Struggling (long)

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kaitkay
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2018 4:58 am
Location: Wales

Struggling (long)

Postby kaitkay » Sun Jan 14, 2018 5:29 am

Okay so ive always been the shy person ever since reception (when you first start school fully). I used to go to a school before that where i was talkative (this was in nursery). When i did move schools i didnt talk at first considering i didnt know anyone but when i did start talking i got comments like "woah she can talk??" I also remember in reg when my name got called out there was always someone shouting out "she cant talk" so i guess thats where that started. I was shy ever since. I got friends tho but i wouldnt talk to them as much. But this one friend in particular i talked to a lot and was confident around and she was my best friend through primary. Until the last year of primary came. Her friends didnt like me and i assume it was because i was shy and eventually i had no one. Until i became friends with the new girl and her 2 friends! Then comp. They didnt go to the same comp as me but i made 3 other friends so good right? Nah. Im now in year 10 with no one im alone and have no real friends. If i talk its shocking to everyone. I just sit in the corner and stay quiet. It only started bothering me half way through year 9 and now i have nothing. I do have these 2 friends i guess. I mean, they call me their friends and i can actually talk to them but as soon as one of their friends are around im immediately ignored. And even then im not close with them. I know i could talk to family about it or ask to move school but i physically cant. My minds telling me if i asked to move schools id have to explain why, and if i explain why then my dad would just say to talk with people and have a laugh then ill be fine. Hes said things like it before anyway so now i wont say anything. My life is currently being in my room, in bed and nobody knows whats going on. My dad just thinks im lazy. I havent been eating much either ill eat at least a meal a day (usually dinner) and maybe a snack or nothing at all. My dads noticed im not eating as much too and hes talked to me about it and he thinks its because im too lazy to make myself food. If he asks me if ive had breakfast the answers yes. Lunch? Its a yes. Dinner my dad makes and gives it to me so im kinda forced to eat it but sometimes if im in my room eating (most of the time) ill eat a bit or none at all. Ive thought about dying and self harming but i havent done any. Ive got close to self harm and i almost did yesterday. I have a knife hidden in my room for when the time comes i guess i know i shouldnt but i do. I just dont see the point if you have nothing. Sure i could get help but i physically cant talk and nobodys noticed that i cry almost every night and have these thoughts. Im not diagnosed with anything as i cant bring myself up to talk to someone. So thats that. Sorry its long

rachelangelo
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 12:11 am

Re: Struggling (long)

Postby rachelangelo » Tue Jan 16, 2018 3:42 pm

Thanks for being brave and sharing. It's difficult being more introverted. We tend to think others don't like us. Some of what you are describing sounds like symptoms of depression. Have you considered speaking with a school counselor?


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