venting

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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joeysick
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Dec 28, 2017 7:20 pm

venting

Postby joeysick » Thu Dec 28, 2017 7:24 pm

i don’t have many friends, or anyone i can really go to for things like this. i’m in desperate need of venting, whether you care or don’t.

not one notification. no one asks how i’m doing, no one asks what i’m doing, no one really pays any mind to me. i don’t know how much of an impact it has on me, i try to convince myself i don’t need anyone to care about me. then again, there’s a lot to envy when you see a bunch of pals hanging out and having a good time and you’re home letting your mind break apart and kill itself. people come and go, go a lot quicker when they say they’ll never leave, that they’ll always be there for you. but when you need them the most, when you’re on the bathroom floor - door locked, hand gripping onto the razor for dear life, bawling your eyes out, screaming bloody murder -- where are they? probably out with their pals, posted up on snapchat for the world to see and envy. god forbid i ever fall into that trap again, where someone makes me feel special or says they’ll be there for me. everything is temporary except pain - pain is permanent and indefinite. your ‘friends’ won’t be there for you to bring you up, but your thoughts and low self esteem will drag you right back down to where you belong - in a hole to rot. and they will party, and they will have the time of their lives and then they will get that text. “they’re gone.” i’ve never wished death upon anyone, it’s too easy - if you really desire the demise of the wicked, pray for guilt to strike a bolt right into their heart. that’s when they’ll care. they’ll cry as if they don’t know what happened, they’ll scream the same you way you did on that bathroom floor - when they chose the party life over being with their ‘friend’, the person they said they’d give everything for. the person they said you could always go to, but every time you did - not one notification.

Anjie
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:53 pm

my vent

Postby Anjie » Fri Dec 29, 2017 6:05 pm

i know this is my third trip into the black hole of depression. I tried to avoid it by getting rid of anyone I cared about, push them away so I can't get hurt. I don't know the answers or I wouldn't be here myself but it's back. With panic attacks preceding it like both other times. I don't know if you believe in God anymore, it's hard to when you repeatedly ask for help or relief but get none. But I'm going to pray for you. I pray for you to understand your friends can't deal with you that way. We are horrible to be around. It brings them down. I don't want anyone around. First if all I know they don't want to be here and I'm ashamed of my decline. Let's just plan on getting better. That's the only way I can think right now.

markrzad
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2017 7:13 pm

Re: venting

Postby markrzad » Fri Dec 29, 2017 7:26 pm

I can understand your pain. I can understand where you are right now. I know with my depression and anxiety I wanted to be left alone. Left to watch TV or video games. To numb out...because I felt numb already. To want to cry out...but had no tears to shed. That those close to me didn't understand what I was going through. Feeling like I'm losing my mind...losing my grip on my senses. I feel like a loser and unworthy of being loved.

Know that you are not alone. We are not alone. This is the depression. It wants us to feel isolated and by ourselves. But we are not alone even though it may feel like it. That's why this forum is here...that we can share in each others troubles and know we are not alone. Where other people don't understand....here you are understood. You are accepted. You are loved. You are worthy to be loved.

Be gentle with yourself. We need to be gentle with ourselves. Our hearts and minds are fragile. Accept and believe we are not alone.

j2415
Posts: 28
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 8:37 am

Re: venting

Postby j2415 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 9:19 am

I’m so sorry that you are going through this.
Please know that you are not alone. We are all here for you. I hope you will receive hope and encouragement through this forum.
You may want to join a support group that you will meet regularly face to face, it will help you not to feel isolated and it might help you to be encouraged by everyone’s experiences.
Please try your community website or local church for a support group available. I hope you will feel better soon and I pray that you will overcome the things that you are experiencing right now. Thank you for sharing, please update us.


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