i don’t have many friends, or anyone i can really go to for things like this. i’m in desperate need of venting, whether you care or don’t.
not one notification. no one asks how i’m doing, no one asks what i’m doing, no one really pays any mind to me. i don’t know how much of an impact it has on me, i try to convince myself i don’t need anyone to care about me. then again, there’s a lot to envy when you see a bunch of pals hanging out and having a good time and you’re home letting your mind break apart and kill itself. people come and go, go a lot quicker when they say they’ll never leave, that they’ll always be there for you. but when you need them the most, when you’re on the bathroom floor - door locked, hand gripping onto the razor for dear life, bawling your eyes out, screaming bloody murder -- where are they? probably out with their pals, posted up on snapchat for the world to see and envy. god forbid i ever fall into that trap again, where someone makes me feel special or says they’ll be there for me. everything is temporary except pain - pain is permanent and indefinite. your ‘friends’ won’t be there for you to bring you up, but your thoughts and low self esteem will drag you right back down to where you belong - in a hole to rot. and they will party, and they will have the time of their lives and then they will get that text. “they’re gone.” i’ve never wished death upon anyone, it’s too easy - if you really desire the demise of the wicked, pray for guilt to strike a bolt right into their heart. that’s when they’ll care. they’ll cry as if they don’t know what happened, they’ll scream the same you way you did on that bathroom floor - when they chose the party life over being with their ‘friend’, the person they said they’d give everything for. the person they said you could always go to, but every time you did - not one notification.