I don't know how to start its my first time sharing my story especially since it is social media. So to start it, I am 17 and a graduating student in highschool , I've been depressed since I'm 8 but no one knows it but I know it. Since being a kid I always keep my burdens to myself and never tells anyone about it, my parents are separated and I have a step mom and a step dad, I live in my dad's house, before they separated and divorce, I have witnessed how they fight and quarrel to each other I saw dad hurting mom and have figure and heard mom multiple times lies on dad. And seeing them made me so sad although that time Im just plain sad and lonely. So when mom started going to abroad and goes home so few, I'm always left alone since dad is working and eventually dad hired my big cousin to look for me, Sometime as I was sleeping on my room I didn't know he went inside I just wake up feeling someone's was touching my under , I was molested, I run down and sleep with my dad that time I never told dad about that because I'm afraid he had molested me multiple times . And when dad fired him for stealing from us I was so happy. And mom hired another cousin of mine again and the same thing happen, and when I turn 15 I'm molested by my own friend we were sleeping that time on our province house and since there are no rooms we just sleep on the floor and that happen. When I'm in grade 7 I tried cutting and that time my depression started my parents are divorce already. My step mom first figure it out and thought that I did that due to my boyfriend but I never have one since I always hate boys, my father wentto school and told our principal aabout it and some stuffs heard about it and started a rumor it made embarrass all my school year , I started hating peopl , and lost my trust to anyone, when I was grade 8 I transferred to another school during that year my father keep on forcing me to be the 1st on our classroom since I'm just the 2nd I've been so stress and been so depressed it was almost everyday I will get lectures from him and he keeps on comparing me to my mom that I would be like her, that I would do the same thing what my mom did, that I would be a slut like her, I've been so down and don't understand what I am feeling so I started cutting again , my step mom told my teachers and close friends about it I was so humiliated and embarrass and guilty. During 2015 summer an accident happen my mom had miscarriage and blame me for that, that I did it to her that if I just listen and have been the 1st achiever in our school it wouldn't happen since she keep on complaining about it, she despised me after that. When I was in grade 9 those were the years were in I've been a bad student I skip classes and have lots of absences where in I never went to school for 1 month and just enter classes for 2 days out of 1 week or never went to school.at all, at the same year my step brother and my step mom's second child was born, it seems father doesn't care at me at all. And now as a graduating highschool student, in grade 10, I started cutting again but this time is worst than myast attempts I really cut my wrist deeper than before I thought I was gonna die since I feel dizzy but found out in the morning still alive,
I wanted to end my life in any other ways but on the other side I still believe that things could be fix and just wanted to live rightly and justly I wanted to live a life with no anger, sadness, loneliness, and a life with no guilt but I don't know how, every time I step in I always reminisce about my past and keeps on drawing myself to it, there are times when my head keeps on telling me that I'm unwanted, but I fight with it, I wanted to trust someone and rely to that person but I don't have anyone they thinks I'm crazy and I have mental issues which I know I have bit I'm not crazy its just that I'm depressed and suicidal , I have social phobia in which I found it hard to talk to someone also but I always wanted to step out from it but I can't, I just wanted someone to accept me behind my past behind what happen behind those scars,I just wanted to have someone to trust to rely on to hug and tell me I'm important that im not unwanted and mostly to have a friend. Since my parents can't do that and since all my friends that I used to have are just using me.
I need someone's help.
Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.
2 posts • Page 1 of 1
You were molested by a friend at age 15? I can relate. After what u been through, you were also looking for an escape, a friend or partner to help placate and love you. unfortunately your strange family relationship further exacerbated this part confusing part your youth. I've never caused my self cut wounds but don't ever try that again. Its just dumb to punish your own body. I don't think you're crazy , your just a damaged person trying to put on a brave face even though u know your really hurting deep inside ..u don't want others too see your weaknesses, perhaps because u don't want them to see you in such a state that would warrant them a reason to walk out of your life. I see u trying your best so hang in there and don't give up, its definitely easier dealing with your problems with another person
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