New here, and thank you
Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 10:35 pm
I don't know where to begin, I just need to get this off my chest. I would not say I suffer from depression but I am quite sad alot (off and on through the years) and have had panick attacks these last few years.
I am over 4 years divorced from an abusive woman of a 7 year marriage. I had a good job in retail that I made my life. I am a Christian and do trust and have faith in God, still I am human. I'm also an introvert and it is mentally taxing to be sociable even in church.
For the past year the lack of companionship has become quite overwhelming. I have gone on dates but there was nothing there, so I just concentrated on work, eat, and sleep. Until this past August.
I lost my job, then a month later I lost my house. No place to go, no job to be found, and no one (physically with me) to help. Truly a time to find out who your friends are. I was lost. I moved out of sunny Florida back to my birth place, the last place I wanted to live in again, where 3 of my siblings are.
During this time I had joined an online dating site to occupy my mind and to alleviate my state of depression-at least that's what I convinced myself.
When in fact I found myself falling for a woman from another continent. After a few months of video chat, phone calls, regular chat at least 40 times a day I find out she is much younger than her posted age. I'm older than her father. Before you ask, no I could not tell because she does look much older and talks as one who has gone through hell.
Regardless my online relationship is over, not due to the age difference because after all I did fall for her before I knew her age. I ended it because she started acting like my ex-wife.
So here I am. Still jobless, feeling like a burden on my family. Still lonely, but not as bad. I notice the loneliness: when I go to bed, wake in the morning, and more so when I come home and realize I have no one to talk with.
Sometimes the lack of having that one special woman to share my life with, to love and be loved, becomes overwhelming. As I said before my faith is in God and I know He will help. But I am still human.
I wanted to thank everyone here. I read about two months worth on this forum before I signed up. For those who have wrote in with their problems, thank you because you have reinforced that someone is going through a more difficult time. And those of you who have responded to them, thank you for your compassion.
I am over 4 years divorced from an abusive woman of a 7 year marriage. I had a good job in retail that I made my life. I am a Christian and do trust and have faith in God, still I am human. I'm also an introvert and it is mentally taxing to be sociable even in church.
For the past year the lack of companionship has become quite overwhelming. I have gone on dates but there was nothing there, so I just concentrated on work, eat, and sleep. Until this past August.
I lost my job, then a month later I lost my house. No place to go, no job to be found, and no one (physically with me) to help. Truly a time to find out who your friends are. I was lost. I moved out of sunny Florida back to my birth place, the last place I wanted to live in again, where 3 of my siblings are.
During this time I had joined an online dating site to occupy my mind and to alleviate my state of depression-at least that's what I convinced myself.
When in fact I found myself falling for a woman from another continent. After a few months of video chat, phone calls, regular chat at least 40 times a day I find out she is much younger than her posted age. I'm older than her father. Before you ask, no I could not tell because she does look much older and talks as one who has gone through hell.
Regardless my online relationship is over, not due to the age difference because after all I did fall for her before I knew her age. I ended it because she started acting like my ex-wife.
So here I am. Still jobless, feeling like a burden on my family. Still lonely, but not as bad. I notice the loneliness: when I go to bed, wake in the morning, and more so when I come home and realize I have no one to talk with.
Sometimes the lack of having that one special woman to share my life with, to love and be loved, becomes overwhelming. As I said before my faith is in God and I know He will help. But I am still human.
I wanted to thank everyone here. I read about two months worth on this forum before I signed up. For those who have wrote in with their problems, thank you because you have reinforced that someone is going through a more difficult time. And those of you who have responded to them, thank you for your compassion.