When will I be free?

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Searching Freedom
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 7:39 am

When will I be free?

Postby Searching Freedom » Sat Oct 21, 2017 8:19 am

I've never taken into consideration this. Writing about my problems. Where people can see. But I can't handle this. Not anymore.

I'm writing to you, crying, because I need help. I want to be free. But...how can I? I thought I was getting better, until two hours ago, when my thoughts, my old thoughts, came again.

I tried to kill myself. More than twice. Always failed. I know...it sounds a little bit stupid to try so many times to end your life, but never succeed. The truth is that I've never had enough courage to finish it. When I cut myself, I couldn't hurt myself seriously enough. When I took pills, I ended in hospital, but I didn't die.

So here I am. Again. In the same situation. And I am so afraid. I don't want to die. But I can't control myself. I just can't. It's like...like someone is controlling me. My monsters. My demons. My thoughts.

People keep saying that I did what I did for attention. Please. Understand. I couldn't control myself. I do not need their attention. I only need to be free. I am not writing this to receive attention. I am writing this because I have hope. I really hope that I can be fixed. By someone. Maybe by you.

I've always thought that suicide is an act that only a selfish person can do. So...yes. I feel like I am the most selfish person that you will ever have the chance to meet. But I can't help it. I do not know how to be different. I hate myself because I am like this and this is the main reason why my thoughts came.

How can I be confident? How can I like myself, just the way I am?....

Please. I do not have the words that can explain what I feel.

Help me.

Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2017 8:28 am

Re: When will I be free?

Postby kissntears06 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 5:15 pm

hi i amnew here and i read your post here andthinking to give you words i hope i can help you little for this, hurting your self is really bad dont do it again, always be positive even though you feel that worlds turn apart from you, think positive always, the only thing that can help you is your self too, hwve faith in god trust god for this, whatever trials came we always need to be positive in life my friend, if you think you need someone who can talk just send me message and i am here to listen okay, be positive always trust to god ,

Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2017 9:47 am

Re: When will I be free?

Postby Jayni » Sat Nov 04, 2017 8:57 am

Wow, I get it, I get what you are saying. You are in pain, not just someone who needs attention. You didn't say if you had sought counseling and/or medication. There is nothing wrong with either. We are human and need each other. It helps to write, to get it all out. But you need the human touch, someone to listen, to guide, and to encourage you. Please reach out. There is One who can help you and heal you but it is a process. We go through these things to grow us in areas and to be able to help others. I pray you find all the help and strength you need. We are also here to listen. Take each day as it comes. You may get just a tiny bit better today. Hugs.

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