But almost in a sudden, I dont feel love for my girlfriend. I don't feel responsibility for my family or friends. I don't even feel hatred for my enemies (this part is something to be happy about, maybe) Actually, I don't care anymore. The world shut me off - this is one thing I guess. This could be the feeling if I felt anything at all. I don't know if anyone here experienced the same.
I hide myself under writing. Many people in my country love to read my writings. I've hidden behind my writing skill all to well, for about 2.5 years. Already 9 of my novels had been published and people always complain to me to write something under 300 pages!
Only if they knew why and how I've managed this career. But recently, I've lost the mask. Even writing novels doesn't comfort me anymore. I don't feel good about writing too. (So long for my writing career)It totally killed my weekend!!
This feeling nothing helped me a lot to build my career. I didn't try to dodge this situation before. I've like my new (or old?) friend. As long as its making me a young and popular writer nationwide, who cares about treating the condition? I didn't. But now I think, things will go boomerang back at me. It's going to destroy my career, the only place I've found serenity will be gone. I feel like home, sweet home is going to be burnt down.
I only feel those physical things any biological machine would feel. I feel pain if I'm severely injured (and by severely, I mean it. Accident caused loosing 200-300ml blood, butI didn't felt pain. Because it wasn't severe), I feel hunger if I'm very very hungry, and I feel the urge to kiss/ sleep with girls (not just my girlfriend, any girl who'd throw herself at me) and I'm putting the last one to the biological needs section. In short, I only feel the things that an animal feel.
Physical pains, Hunger, Lust.
I don't worry about these things much. But nowadays I'm a bit edgy. I've lost my shelter of being a novelist. Besides, somewhere I've read this kind of people easily can transform into harming other people like serial killers or something. I don't want to reach to that stage. I don't want to harm people eventually. Is there a possibility of harming people if somebody suffer from this?
BTW, I don't cut myself or self-harm in any way. I just don't care about other people and I don't feel a thing. Share if someone having similar experience. I'll be grateful.