The pain

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Rcr
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:59 pm

The pain

Postby Rcr » Sun Aug 27, 2017 9:40 pm

Not sure how this works honestly doesn't really matter I was just looking for a place to get my thoughts out without someone trying to talk me down or make me feel like I have so much to live for. Im a husband and a father those are the only things I live for. Ive dealt with depression my whole life its getting worse as I get older Im honestly not looking for a pitty party there are people that have it alot worse. I really just want to talk anonymously I want to die I dont believe this place was meant for me or I wasnt meant for this place. What's crazy is Im not really religious I mean I believe there is a higher power but Ive never been to church. Im honestly scared that I could go to hell for offing myself. Crazy right? But these thought and doubts and decisions are in my head drilling and festering. The site of people sickens me I dont know how much longer I can hold off whats funny is Im a grown man cutting myself for the pleasure and the release like a high school kid. No response is expected like I said just needed a mental dump

ayoung73
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jul 19, 2017 5:56 pm

Re: The pain

Postby ayoung73 » Tue Aug 29, 2017 1:20 am

Ok, well if you don’t feel you have anything to live for and the pain YOU’RE feeling is the only thing that matters, go to church, find the answer from any and all religious organizations that will listen! When you’re done with that take a few minutes to think about someone else other than YOURSELF! You, a longtime depression sufferer took it upon yourself to marry and have children, what do you think would happen to them if you killed yourself? Don’t you think it would have an incredibly negative impact on your kids? You owe it to them to get the help you need, now get up and do the work! Nothing in life worth having comes easy!

There is a higher power, you’re right about this, it’s God-Jesus Christ-and the Holy Spirit. Give yourself over to him, beg Him for forgiveness and accept him Rcr! But don’t quit, I have to say I’ve never faced depression as you’ve described, but after a series of events (work as a police officer [a shooting] & personal setbacks), I thought offing myself was the best solution for everyone involved. No this isn’t when I found God, it was when I realized I didn’t owe myself, I owed my family to get better, to try anything and everything to get over these feelings and to repair myself…it isn’t impossible to get better, it isn’t impossible to have a happy life, giving up certainly won’t help or accomplish your goals! Get the help, do the work, and make your family your motivator, they would be devastated if you killed yourself and the damage may be just simply perpetuating the depression/suicide chain! You are important, stop doing this, you are valuable, please get help, go to them and ask for theirs, tell them whats going on, your wife, and allow them to help you get better.

Heavenly Father, bless this man, have mercy on him and heal his mind and body-convict him and help him along his path…a path so rocky and bereft of joy that he is considering suicide, don’t allow this to happen Jesus, heal him, show him your power and love! A love that can overcome all, protect his family and his wife! Amen.

LookUp1430
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Aug 29, 2017 2:43 pm

Re: The pain

Postby LookUp1430 » Tue Aug 29, 2017 2:54 pm

I am so sorry you are so depressed. Thankfully, you see how important you are, at least to your wife and kids. Believe it or not, you are important to more than that. As someone who has intimate knowledge of depression, I completely understand that it hurts and that nothing seems to matter or make sense. You mention you have never been religious. You also mention you have been depressed basically your whole life. Maybe drastic action would produce drastic results. Many communities have fellowship and community style churches. These are non-denominational, non-judgmental gatherings. Maybe you could see what one of them has to offer. Maybe your reaching out to this anonymous forum is that higher power you acknowledge leading you to a place you've never been, a world of peace, joy, and belonging. If you are cutting yourself and considering suicide because you see those as your only options to peace, maybe peeking in at a local community or fellowship type church and seeing what it has to offer can provide another path for you. I am praying you.

Rcr
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:59 pm

Re: The pain

Postby Rcr » Thu Aug 31, 2017 4:50 am

I really appreciate both of your prospectives maybe I should get in church on some level atleast to start. I just need to clear something up the children I have with my wife are from a previous marriage Ive been in there life since they were 3 and 5 and they are 15 and 18 now there my boys maybe not blood but mine. I new I never wanted children of my own knownig the chemical imbalance I have dealt with most of my life I didn't want to pass that down I was trying to be responsible.I want to make my self clear I dont want to die I have good days and bad days some are ok and some are unbearable the goal is definately to stay alive thank you both for your understanding, sternness,kindness and prayer. I pray/repent every night.I just hope god can forgive me for the things Ive done like I said I believe in him. I was just raised a certain way I seen things no child shoud see like I said no pitty I hate when people use things in there life as a crutch. Some of it I fell like it made me stronger. Any way thank you for being here


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