Not sure.

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, vince13, Maelstrom, Astrid

Kle17
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jul 11, 2017 2:43 am

Not sure.

Postby Kle17 » Tue Jul 11, 2017 3:33 am

Well, where to start. I've always been the type to hold it all in, I've never reached out for help with anything at all. I grew up with alcoholic parents, step dad's that came and went, by time I was 13 I was drinking and taking off from home. Lived with my first boyfriend at 15, had a son at 16 and tried to get my stuff together for his sake and that's when the depression hit me so hard I didn't think there was a way out of my everyday life. I eventually left my son's dad out of anger, I didn't know how to deal with my depression and blamed him for the entire thing only making everything worse. After that all passed I met someone else a year later and jumped right back into a relationship before I was even fully over the last. Everything was fine for the first few years, we had 4 children together made a life and overcame all the odds then along came our 5th child together and again all these emotions and anxiety attacks hit me like a bus! I could barely get out of bed, started compulsive eating, going out for drinks more then I should just to escape my everyday life. I'm not sure where to turn to anymore, I need a change for my sanity, but the thought of making the wrong decision knowing it will also effect my children gives me severe anxiety. The worst part is my boyfriend goes to work, comes home and goes to bed. I could literally tell him this and he would have absolutely no recollection of it in 24 hours and the things he does decide to hear will eventually be mocked and laughed at by him, his friends and which ever other woman he decides to try start a "friendship" with (and not discreetly either, literally laugh in my face) and apparently I'm just here cause he needs me to pay our bills and watch our children but doesn't truly want me. I've never felt so low and alone in my entire life, I wake up from nightmares constantly during the night then cry to fall asleep again not wanting to be in this reality, knowing my life is a joke and all I have is myself. If it weren't for my kids I'd be a lost cause but I need to let this off my chest for their sake. And I have no where else to turn. So here I am.. and here is my story. I will wake up tomorrow back to my routine life and never ending cycle of pure depression hidden by forced smiles and small talk, until the night comes and I can finally lay with my children until they fall asleep and have my 5 glorious minutes of comfort for that day... And then repeat. :cry:

littlestarsmum
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 11:36 pm

Re: Not sure.

Postby littlestarsmum » Thu Jul 13, 2017 1:02 am

Welcome aboard, girl!
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. I appreciate your willingness to share about your struggles. Life can be stressful and overwhelming at times. I know it’s not easy, but I believe it’s necessary for you to get help without any delay. I’d suggest that you talk to a therapist. Do you have a support group nearby where you can connect with people regularly? I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will surround you with His healing presence and provide the strength and help you need at this time. Please know that you deserve to feel better and you don’t need to carry your burdens alone. You can always share your heart out and I’m here to support you. Hugs!

Marshmallow87
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 10:07 am

Re: Not sure.

Postby Marshmallow87 » Thu Jul 13, 2017 10:13 am

Hi,
I'm new to this and this is my first post. It's really brave of you to share your struggles. I completely agree that you should seek professional help and sooner rather than later but one too I can give you for now is to write a gratitude list everyday. It can be as long or as short as you like. Start with, you have a roof over your head. Your kids love you. That type of thing. It helps to move the negative thoughts out of the way. Also, writing your feelings down, like you have done, everyday helps. Start a journal. I know this seems trivial but these small things have helped me.

girljoe
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jul 27, 2017 8:33 am

Re: Not sure.

Postby girljoe » Thu Jul 27, 2017 8:56 am

I am sure.
I am not a regular to this forum so I am sure that God intended for me to see your post.
Why? Because I recently worked through similar depression to what you describe with my daughter. Like you, she kept everything inside for years and years. This continued until the depression became so bad she could hardly function. We were lucky enough to have a good doctor who chose the correct medicine for her and we were blessed to find a counselor who understands how keeping those feelings inside creates layers and layers of depressive weight that must be peeled away so the healing can happen.

Sweet girl, I know you feel like this is too much to handle but you can turn this around. You are obviously strong; only a strong person could carry on the way you have. I suggest you start the healing process the way my daughter did. See your doctor. Tell him/her about your depression. He/she can prescribe some medication to lift the depression. Understand that meds are not necessarily forever. They are a temporary tool to help you feel better so you can do the work necessary to unpack all those things in your mind that you've packed in there over your lifetime. Next, find a good counselor to help you unpack those things, to make peace with and understand everything you haven't shared but kept to yourself. I know counseling can be expensive and it is hard to find a good counselor. Focus on the Family has a hotline where you can get a free phone consultation 855-382-5433, which will get you started. This database is also a good resource for finding a counselor http://bit.ly/2bYaQqv

In time you will feel better. And when that time comes then you will be more able to work on the situation with your boyfriend.

I am praying for you.


Return to “Your Story”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 307 guests