The reason I am here

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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wamd
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2008 8:53 pm
Location: New York

The reason I am here

Postby wamd » Fri Nov 14, 2008 9:27 pm

I have been looking for a place like this for a while. I am so glad I finally stumbled upon this. Here is my story and the reason I have been looking. I am a single mother for the last 14 years with 3 kids they are all currently 19 (girl) 14 (girl) 13 (boy). There is a ton of info to my story but I am going to just get down to brass tacks for right now. My biggest concern right now is the fact that my 19 year old is pregnant with an abusive boys baby and she has decided to finally get away from him which is a huge PHEW. But she is on such a roller coaster and being her mother I am in the seat next to her with this. She changes her mind on a minute to minute basis what she is going to do. I just keep giving her the best advise I know to give and telling her I am here for her no matter what choice she makes. But honestly these last 2 weeks have taken a huge toll on me as well as her. I have lost alot of sleep and alot of weight which i am 5'9" and 112 lbs so I cant afford to loose. I need to be healthy for my other two kids as well as for her. But what else can I do to help her? What can I say to help her see the way life will be in the future for her at such a young age with a child and having to have the responsiblity of paying all her own bills and raising a child on her own and having to be associated with this abusive person for the rest of her life. She currently is just yesing me to death and I just want to cry because I remember being in a not so good relationship with a man way back and all my friends saying the stuff to me that I know everyone has said to her and just yesing them all the time. I knew logically they were right but I really thought he loved me he was my first boyfriend and I totally thought the sun would rise and set out of his butt he was it for me. I look back now and all I can do is shake my head and wonder what made me so stupid. Sorry for the rambling I have so many thoughts running through my head and if I dont get them out while they are there I will forget them.

Emotional_77
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:21 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Postby Emotional_77 » Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:21 pm

I really do not know what to respond except for the usual be there for her and she's old enough to make her own decisions so you can only really give her advice on what to do. Well I just wanted to give you a hug for your hard times and try talking about this in the chat room maybe there are mothers who have been in the same position??
take care.

wamd
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2008 8:53 pm
Location: New York

Postby wamd » Sat Nov 15, 2008 9:50 pm

I see alot on here about the chat room. How do I get to it?

Emotional_77
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:21 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Postby Emotional_77 » Sun Nov 16, 2008 1:03 pm

click depression chat rooms at the top page then scroll down to where it says login procedure. The password are for channel ops only though? is that right warmie?? so i think you just need to put in your username. I dont go to chat so if warmie is looking at this, help her out :)

wamd
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2008 8:53 pm
Location: New York

Postby wamd » Mon Nov 17, 2008 10:19 pm

Ok more of my story. Just tonight my 14 year old daughter was caught by me with a pack of cigaretts in her book bag. She had the nerve to get mad at me for going into her bag. She also said to me which I am sure I used this on my own parents at one point or another - but they are not mine they belong to so and so and if I dont give them back to her tomorrow she will be mad at me and I will lose a friend thanks a lot mom. Seriously? Whatever! She is an ADHD child and has put me through some pretty awful stuff ever since she turned into a teenager. There are days that I find it so hard to come home because I know all I am going to have waiting for me are my two girls at each others throats and my poor son sitting there trying to be invisible. He is such a good kid all this anger and depression and confusion going on in my home is not fair to him. He is my saving grace little boy. There have been times when all I do is get up go to work come home and get my pj's on and go to bed I just cant do much else. Work drains me for 8 hours m-f both physically and mentally I just cant deal with anything but vegging out in front of the tv and hope that someone one the screen has a more screwed up life than me. I have no support system in place my family is not there for me. I have a friend in Texas and one in Kansas and they are absolutly wonderful but I am in New York and sometimes a phone call or and instant message are just not enough especially when I am feeling as dark and alone as I am now. I really need to just call my doctor and get a referral to my old therapist. Maybe if I did that I would allow myself to get happy again it just seems like way too many years since I have been truely happy. Just one thing after another keeps knocking me down. I have friends that tell me you only feel the way you decide you are going to feel. They are wonderful people but I dont think they really understand me or what I have been through. I dont think they understand my depression I dont have control over it. I know this I just go on with my life doing what everyone expects me to do and try my hardest to not let anyone down when in reality I am just letting myself down time and time again by not doing myself any favors by stretching myself to thin. Why do I feel I need to be everything for everybody? Why am I so worried about letting anyone down? I am 43 years old for the love of God you would think that I would be in the mode of doing me and not being so worried about what this one thinks or that one. I have never been a selfish person but maybe I need to figure out how to be one to an extent. Is that wrong? I am so tired and just want to disappear off the globe for a while. My friend in Texas says come vacation for a long weekend with her but I cant my exhusband has decided to get a job working under the table for his step father therefore I am getting NO child support and cant afford to do it. Support collections tells me that the only way I will get support again is if I can prove he is working under the table but how am I supposed to do that? That isnt even as bad as the fact that he wants basically nothing to do with our kids. Will it ever end? I guess all this anxiety I feel over these thoughts and experiences will probably end when my kids are all graduated from high school and onto either college or whatever path their lives will take and are not living in my home anylonger but I guess the worries will just be different at that point. I know another total post with random thought patterns. Sorry. Good night.


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