Where To Begin...
Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 10:50 pm
Where to begin.. I guess at the beginning. I started mutilating myself in high school. A few cuts here and there, nothing really noteworthy. After a bad break up, I came very close to losing it all, myself included. A friend happened to come over and find me. She saved my life that day.
Fast forward a few years. New life, New boyfriend. Things are going well. And then they weren't. He found out I was hurting myself, and he told me that if I ever did it again, he would admit me, and then leave. He wasn't going to sit around and watch the woman he loved kill herself. That kept me from it, until recently. This boyfriend has been in my life as an off and on relationship for 16 years now. For the last 8, we have been living together. And for the last four, I have been miserable. His mother moved in with us after a nasty separation then divorce, and was supposed to use the time to get on her feet and her own place. That was four years ago. Due to her inability to save and ability to spend, she has nothing set aside. And I want us to move forward with our lives. Every time I try to talk about it, he turns it into me being the problem, and how I expect him to throw his mom out on the streets. That is NOT what I want, but I do want her to realize she can't live with us forever. It has gotten to a place e where I don't even mention it any more, as it just starts a fight. But I am having trouble in keeping going like this. She has made no noise about moving on, and he just enables her. I am depressed all the time, and have no where to go. I moved from Texas to Arizona to be with the other piece of my soul. And now I feel that we will never be as to start our own family because his won't be an adult.
Every day I drive to work, I want to get into a car accident. I don't want to die. I just want the world to stop spinning for a while. I am so tired from feeling so isolated in my own home. I feel like the third wheel, when I should feel like my boyfriend's partner.
Fast forward a few years. New life, New boyfriend. Things are going well. And then they weren't. He found out I was hurting myself, and he told me that if I ever did it again, he would admit me, and then leave. He wasn't going to sit around and watch the woman he loved kill herself. That kept me from it, until recently. This boyfriend has been in my life as an off and on relationship for 16 years now. For the last 8, we have been living together. And for the last four, I have been miserable. His mother moved in with us after a nasty separation then divorce, and was supposed to use the time to get on her feet and her own place. That was four years ago. Due to her inability to save and ability to spend, she has nothing set aside. And I want us to move forward with our lives. Every time I try to talk about it, he turns it into me being the problem, and how I expect him to throw his mom out on the streets. That is NOT what I want, but I do want her to realize she can't live with us forever. It has gotten to a place e where I don't even mention it any more, as it just starts a fight. But I am having trouble in keeping going like this. She has made no noise about moving on, and he just enables her. I am depressed all the time, and have no where to go. I moved from Texas to Arizona to be with the other piece of my soul. And now I feel that we will never be as to start our own family because his won't be an adult.
Every day I drive to work, I want to get into a car accident. I don't want to die. I just want the world to stop spinning for a while. I am so tired from feeling so isolated in my own home. I feel like the third wheel, when I should feel like my boyfriend's partner.