Depression, anxiety and panic attacks

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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TiberiuSahlean
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:16 am
Location: Bucharest

Depression, anxiety and panic attacks

Postby TiberiuSahlean » Tue Dec 13, 2016 4:25 am

For me it started 2 years ago. I remember clearly there was an earthquake at the end of November that year and on the 8th floor I was pretty badly shaken. Then I had no problem for the next 2-3 weeks. Suddenly, one night while I was watching a movie I started having heartaches, I felt my heart rushing and I felt I couldn't breathe. I panicked and went to a drug store then I ended up in the emergency room: of course the doctors could not find anything wrong with me but I didn't believe them. Over the following months I started having panic attacks evermore frequently, I was always afraid an earthquake would hit any minute, I couldn't stay at home because I always felt everything was shaking so I started avoiding going home. I would stay out in the city until it was just time to go to sleep and then I would get right into bed and put the blanket over my head and try to sleep. I lost interest in any activity and I couldn't bring myself to do anything. That was when I decided to move to a new apartment so in February we moved to a new place. After that all my problems stopped until about June or July when I contracted a pretty nasty urinary infection and my kidneys were hurting like crazy. Afterwards I started being afraid again: I was afraid the infection would start again, that the pain would resume so I started going to the doctors, started taking all kinds of drugs and all my problems were back. I felt dizzy, I lost my appetite, I could not bring myself to do anything, I had chest pains and with time all symptoms were worse. Again I started avoiding staying at home and I was feeling captive. I had panic attacks almost all day and from anything: air conditioning, fresh air, lack of fresh air, any kind of pain and so on. Of course during all this time I categorically refused to believe my mental health was not there and I checked for any and all diseases I could think of. By the end of September I remember I was feeling so bad that I can barely describe: it felt as if I was trapped inside a dark dungeon with no room to move and only a pinhole through which I could see the outside world; sometimes I could barely even acknowledge what was going on around me, my vision was barely there and I had to use all my efforts just to stay conscious. My weight dropped to around 100 pounds and I was starting to think that this is it: the end of the line for me. At the end of September I just couldn't take it anymore and I agreed to start seeing a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and started taking meds. When I left the cabinet I wanted to cheer because I had finally found the source of my problems and at the same time burst into tears because my worse nightmare had come true: I was not a sane person, the others that had been viewing me as weird had been right all along! Although I was heavily drugged I still felt horrible and felt the need to talk to someone, to get everything off my chest. I week later I started going to a therapist. I can tell you that I can barely recalls stuff that has happened during the first year and a half of meds and therapy. I feel like I have been robbed by some part of my life. Although I don't recalls most of the stuff that happened during that period when I try to look back it's as if staring through a really dirty window; there is a feeling of emptiness and of suffering for me and the ones close to me. I have been fortunate enough to not have any suicidal thoughts throughout this period but I have had to face my own mortality through thoughts that maybe this is the end of the line. Also, for me it's very hard to accept the fact that I may never be able to stop taking meds; I look at myself and I see that yes, I am better now and I have no more panic attacks, but I still have chest pains and I have many periods when depression sets in and I can't get myself to doing anything and nothing is of interest to me.
One thing that has kept me going through all of this has been photography: the moments when I was composing and taking photos and I was all alone with the camera were the only moments I could get peace of mind; but I am afraid that maybe during a severe depression episode not even photography will save me... What will I have left then? Also I feel that the things that make me happy or that I am interested in doing are becoming less by day and this also worrying me.

Katjie
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2016 3:20 am

Re: Depression, anxiety and panic attacks

Postby Katjie » Tue Dec 13, 2016 4:50 am

Dear TiberiuSahlean

I have been depressed my whole life, it is a loooooong story if you have the time and lots of wine :-).

Have you ever considered that you may suffer from POSTTRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER? - I have copied the link for you to read up abouthit....see if you recognize yourself in these symptoms....

You can feel free to talk about anything should you want to.....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttraum ... s_disorder

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)[note 1] is a mental disorder that can develop after a person is exposed to a traumatic event, such as sexual assault, warfare, traffic collisions, or other threats on a person's life.[1] Symptoms may include disturbing thoughts, feelings, or dreams related to the events, mental or physical distress to trauma-related cues, attempts to avoid trauma-related cues, alterations in how a person thinks and feels, and increased arousal. These symptoms last for more than a month after the event. Young children are less likely to show distress but instead may express their memories through play.[1] Those with PTSD are at a higher risk of suicide.[2]

Most people who have experienced a traumatic event will not develop PTSD.[2] People who experience interpersonal trauma (for example rape or child abuse) are more likely to develop PTSD, as compared to people who experience non-assault based trauma such as accidents and natural disasters.[3] About half of people develop PTSD following rape.[2] Children are less likely than adults to develop PTSD after trauma, especially if they are under ten years of age.[4] Diagnosis is based on the presence of specific symptoms following a traumatic event.[2]

Prevention may be possible when therapy is targeted at those with early symptoms but is not effective when carried out among all people following trauma.[2] The main treatments for people with PTSD are counselling and medication.[5] A number of different types of therapy may be useful.[6] This may occur one-on-one or in a group.[5] Antidepressants of the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor type are the first-line medications for PTSD and result in benefit in about half of people.[7] These benefits are less than those seen with therapy.[2] It is unclear if using medications and therapy together has greater benefit.[2][8] Other medications do not have enough evidence to support their use and in the case of benzodiazepines may worsen outcomes.[9][10]

In the United States about 3.5% of adults have PTSD in a given year, and 9% of people develop it at some point in their life.[1] In much of the rest of the world, rates during a given year are between 0.5% and 1%.[1] Higher rates may occur in regions of armed conflict.[2] It is more common in women than men.[5] Symptoms of trauma-related mental disorders have been documented since at least the time of the ancient Greeks.[11] During the World Wars study increased and it was known under various terms including "shell shock" and "combat neurosis".[12] The term "posttraumatic stress disorder" came into use in the 1970s in large part due to the diagnoses of US military veterans of the Vietnam War.[13] It was officially recognized by the American Psychiatric Association in 1980 in the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III).[14]

File:Posttraumatic stress disorder.webm
Video explanation
Contents [hide]
1 Classification
2 Risk factors
2.1 Trauma
2.2 Genetics
2.3 Drug and substance abuse
3 Pathophysiology
3.1 Neuroendocrinology
3.2 Neuroanatomy
4 Diagnosis
4.1 Screening and assessment
4.2 Diagnostic and statistical manual
4.3 International classification of diseases
4.4 Differential diagnosis
5 Prevention
5.1 Psychological debriefing
5.2 Risk-targeted interventions
6 Management
6.1 Psychotherapy
6.2 Medication
6.3 Other
7 Epidemiology
7.1 United States
8 Veterans
8.1 United States
8.2 United Kingdom
8.3 Canada
9 History
10 Terminology
11 Research
11.1 Psychotherapy adjuncts
12 Notes
13 References
14 External links

User avatar
TiberiuSahlean
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:16 am
Location: Bucharest

Re: Depression, anxiety and panic attacks

Postby TiberiuSahlean » Tue Dec 13, 2016 5:20 am

Hello Katjie and thank you for your reply!
I have read your link and I do seem to check a lot of the symptoms listed there... my therapist has also told me that PTSD is part of my problem (although not how much) and it is a matter we are working on. From what I read in your link the meds have also been spot on. I really have to start exercising but this is again something I just can't bring myself to do, I really have to break my will somehow.

sparks
Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Dec 13, 2016 1:46 pm

Re: Depression, anxiety and panic attacks

Postby sparks » Tue Dec 13, 2016 3:05 pm

Hi

I just wanted to say that I have read your post and wish you all the best. I know the living hell that is panic attacks/panic disorder, although mine are not connected to one particular traumatic experience. Good luck

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TiberiuSahlean
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:16 am
Location: Bucharest

Re: Depression, anxiety and panic attacks

Postby TiberiuSahlean » Tue Dec 13, 2016 3:21 pm

Hello Sparks and thank you for your reply. I have read your story and I can partially relate and understand what you are going through. Anxiety and panic really are a living hell and although I like to think that the worse is behind me, there is always that WHAT IF at the back of my mind. I wish you all the best and if I can be of any don't hesitate to ask!

Katjie
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2016 3:20 am

Re: Depression, anxiety and panic attacks

Postby Katjie » Wed Dec 14, 2016 2:51 am

Dear TiberiuSahlean

When you have time, read through all the comments posted on this forum, there are lots of people with a hectic past and present and are also AFRAID of the future...You are NOT alone.

What I have found, like you, I keep myself busy with doing something I like very much, I also walk around and take pictures of my pets and nature etc. to remind me of the beauty that still exist in this word. Look at YOUR avatar, you are a very very handsome man, just a bit too young for me....hahaha joking about the age part, but really you are very handsome (by us women standards)! There are people writing here with sel floath, I myself can't look at myself in the mirror or shop windows, because I used to be a VERY attractive woman who turned heads because I did kickboxing for a long time about 10 years ago and was well built, besides my good genes....I am very humble, make no mistake, I just mention here for the sake of what I am going through now: since my toxic relationship I am still in now, I have gained about 40 kg, you can make the sums, only 4 yours ago was was a pretty 64 kg...I looked at my engagement photos and other photos that were taken when me and now ex fiance started out our relationship....now my love life is affected because I can't even undress before him, I have serious self esteem issues now and I feel like starving myself because no healthy eating and exercise I try still, seems to work, because the stress hormone Cortisol and my antidepressants are the cause of my "fattest I have ever ever been in my life"! Other people say I don't look so bad and I am still very attractive, but I DO NOT belief them because I think that they are only saying it to make me feel better.

I WILL maybe someday loos all the weight, I have lost about 3 kg the past two months, which are too slow for me but like I have mentioned the meds and stress counters that. Here in South Africa the white men likes their women skinny and blonde. I am on the other hand have only beautiful grey/green eyes (according to other people they are very striking) and very long black hair, but my weigh gain makes me feel like an outcast. At least I am very intelligent (I think so hahaha), because I am an avid reading especially about science and nature / biology and astronomy me, there is very little I DON'T know about those topics. AND I have a great sense of humor! When my very old cats (I have other interesting pets as well) barf all over the place, I sing our South African national anthem hahahaha....but my fiance don't think it is very funny even if I clean up quickly when my pets mess.

Try to keep your chin up, don't too many projects too soon, because if you are depressed, it will overwhelm you!

I really understand all that people are going through, that is why we all joined this forum.

Keep us posted regularly about how you feel...

Katjie
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2016 3:20 am

Re: Depression, anxiety and panic attacks

Postby Katjie » Wed Dec 14, 2016 3:00 am

Sorry about about all the spelling and grammar mistakes, it is not because I can't spell, but it is because I get so involved in my story that I don't realize my fingers do something else....hehehe and the reason I am Afrikaans maybe and does not notice.....my avatar is Katjie, it means "little cat / kitten" in Afrikaans which is my home language.

User avatar
TiberiuSahlean
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:16 am
Location: Bucharest

Re: Depression, anxiety and panic attacks

Postby TiberiuSahlean » Wed Dec 14, 2016 5:47 am

Hello again Katjie. Please call me Tibi or Tiberiu. Thank you for the compliments, you are making me blush :oops: ; and you are right - you are really funny and I enjoyed reading your posts!
On a more serious note I have read some of the posts on this forum and I will continue to do so. I can relate very well with the part about antidepressants and gaining weight, I was usually around 60 kg but since I started taking meds I have been gaining weight and now I am at 80 kg; I know that does not sound bad but from my perspective it has put a lot of pressure on me, I don't feel very well with the extra weight plus it's all in the wrong parts; and because of my issues I have a hard time exercising - it's unbelievable how I want to do something but it's like I have a magnet on my back that will not let me actually do it; I get really annoyed with myself sometimes over that.
It is really sad to read the struggles other members of the forum are going through - so many young, beautiful people that are denied the joys and beauty of live and, as if not enough, even marginalized by our own kind as if we had a contagious disease...
It's very nice to hear from all of you and I really am thankful for your responses!

Katjie
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2016 3:20 am

Re: Depression, anxiety and panic attacks

Postby Katjie » Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:56 am

I am smiling now because YOU are reaching out now and it is great!

When I have first join this forum end November, I thougt I was going to encounter weirdos who drinks blood, lick windows and torture small animals and so....not at all! We are all just normal beautiful minded people who struggle with bad issues...I cry every single day, but at least I can still feel...

Now I have finished my glass of wine, it is very very hot in my town, we have water shortages, my partner (I still don't know WHAT he is of me, because he can't give me a straight answer) is on holiday with his friends for a few days and I enjoy my own company.

I'm going to take out my African Grey parrot and take him outside on the grass... his wings I clip often so that he does not fly away....it is 15:49 now in South Africa, my parrot is calling me on my name and asks for "kos" (food), he wants to eat fruit on the lawn now....we must look for some shade first....I will take a plunge in our half filled swimming pool later (we have strict orders that during this draught, we are NOT allowed to waste water and can't even wash cars), becauseI am alone for few days I don't have to feel shy because nobody from outside can see me.

Take care young man, be proud! Will talk again!


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