Any advice much appreciated.

[Regan94]

Hello,
I've never been on anything like this before, and to be honest, I'm struggling to find the words to type. This is mainly due to the fact I don't know how to talk to people about things. I bottle everything up.

I suffer from anxiety and depression, but lately thibgs have become much more difficult to manage. I feel incredibly overwhelmed and hopeless. To give you a brief background story, I was in a physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years. We broke up in 2014, but he's still going out of his way to ruin my life. The physical abuse only stopped when I moved half way around the world to England last September. However, he is still tornenting me through social media even though he's blocked on everything. He makes new accounts in order to do this.

Recently I was approached to testify against him in court. I am completely afraid and really don't feel stable enough to go through with it. This thought of having got all about what happened to me in the past is to much to deal with.

I keep having a recurring dream of him beating me, and I go into the bathroom afterwards and proceed to commit suicide. Every night I get a bit closer to death and I find myself waking up and wishing I'd done it. These dark thoughts haunt me all day now and I've become afraid of myself. I used to cut and I'm afraid of what I might do. Can anyone please advise?

[PracticalGrit617]

Hello Regan,
I am so sorry for the torment you are experiencing, but I am grateful you chose to reach out. You are so brave! Please understand that suicide is never a solution. Don't give up! You are a fighter and I have no doubt that you will see victory at the end of this war. I encourage you to take a stand in court. You have the authority in this situation, even if your knees are knocking. This is the time to put your foot down and draw the line. And in this case, you will literally be facing your fears. But believe me, having gone through something similar, I can tell you that there is nothing more empowering than looking that devil in the eye and standing your ground. This is truly a situation where God himself will see you through to the end. But please, I encourage you, with all of my heart, to lean on Him, and not on your own understanding. Know that I'm praying for you: that you experience God's unshakable grace and unsurpassable favor as you continue on.

[PracticalGrit617]

How are you today?

[i-miss-my-angel]

I don't know how you feel as I'm aware that everyone feels different... But the guy I thought I wanted my whole life finally wanted me I was 6 months pregnant the first time he tried to kill me there was always abuse after I had moved in but that was the first time it was that bad exactly 2 weeks later he attacked me again my baby was born at 34 weeks even premie clothes swallowed her she died at 15 days old due to the trauma i had moved in with my best friend 1.5 months before whe passed men like our attackers even women for that matter need to be taken down and stopped the only way to do this is to stand up voice your pain and fight in that court room not just for what he did to you but others he may have and even more so the future please take that stand

[EagerBeaver]

I am so sorry to hear about what you’re going through, Regan. I so wish I could hug you right now. I am also concerned that you mentioned suicide. Please get some help right away -- tell someone who can assist you with how you are feeling. A trusted adult or a medical professional would be in an excellent position to offer support. Also, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline operates toll-free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Just call 1-800-273-TALK. Their TTY number is 1-800-799-4TTY. Don’t carry your burdens alone. I’m praying for you, and remember that your life is precious no matter what issues you’re facing. May God be with you.

[Helloraspberries1]

Hi Regan94,

Welcome to forums. I'm so glad you have found this place and I hope we can help.

I'm so sorry that the last two years were hell for you. I can't imagine for one second what it must of been like for you.

I know this must be really hard for you to talk about. I do understand why you feel the way you feel. No one can get over that sort of thing. Alot of people on here can sympathize too.

No one deserves to be in that sort of relationship and I'm so glad you got out before anything got worse. Seeing him in court is would of been scary. Knowing what he did is unreal. It's not fair you had to face this alone. Did you have any support room family or friends at the time?

Please try and reach out support at this emotional time. There are lots of help out there. Counselloring is good to get things off your chest. Have you tried it before? Maybe another idea is to see your doctor if your having bad thoughts and can't sleep. Maybe they can give you something to help.

Well Done for talking hear. I know it must of not been easy and I hope things start to improve for you.

We wish u luck x

[Sadiecoal]

Hi Regan94,
I am so sorry for what you endured. Please know you CAN get help recovering from what you experienced. There are professionals that can help you to begin a recovery program. There are also many medications to help you until you get to the other side. I too grew up with mental abuse so I am also having to face a journey of depression recovery. I hope you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I will pray this for you if you don't. His promises and love truly do pass all understanding. Always remember there is no problem you will ever face that is greater than his power. He is with you always waiting for you to take his free gift of grace. I will pray for you daily. May God comfort you.