Someone please help me

[Polar_Grey]

Hello everyone, I'm new here. So I'm just gonna jump in and tell my story. Since I was very young I've been bullied. Idk why, maybe cuz I'm sensitive. But it wasn't too bad until middle school. That's when girls became more mean and even my friends started telling me to kill myself. That made me consider it. Bullying has been hard on me and made me fail my classes (well not exactly, just everything did) and I felt like a complete failure and that I wasn't worth anything. And then the worst part. My mom. She's an alcoholic and I have to visit her every two weeks. I hate her. Many people will say "you love her, it's in there somewhere." No. I don't. I can't stand her. She is verbally abusive. She calls me fat even thought I weigh 78 pounds and I'm almost 5'2". She tells me how horrible of a person I am and how I shouldn't be allowed to have friends or do anything. She says I fake my depression to manipulate people. I can't do it anymore, I can't deal with her. And I cry every time I'm forced to see her. My dad knows this happens but doesn't do anything. He sent me to a shitty counselor who gave me medicine that hasn't worked. It's been over 5 months. I don't know what do do with myself. I'm going into high school not knowing anyone and I tried to talk to some girls who looked at me weird. I don't die my hair or have any piercings. Idk why people don't like me. I can't do this anymore and I don't know how to get help. Someone please just help me before I do something stupid.

[Helloraspberries1]

Hi Polar_Grey, welcome to forums.

Sorry to hear about your story and what you been going through.

Bullying is so common in this day and age. Alot of people goes through bullying every single day. Irs not always in school, it can be in work or college.

I'm glad to hear that your are already confiding in people wether that's family or close relatives. It does help alot talking to someone and just getting things off your chest.

I understand that everyone you have turned to hasn't been much help. You mentioned about your mum and her problems. I can see it's getting you down. What has your dad said? Are you able to distant yourself from her for a bit?

With the bullying have you tried talking to anyone at school or outside of school like a counsellor? Maybe a bear bullying helpline? It maybe they can stop it from happening again and your know if it does they will be there to help.

I know it feels like your not being heard and you have no one but I promise that you will be if you just keep reaching out.

Also if your feeling suicidal please seek medical attention straight away by calling your emergency services.

I want you to know that there is help and support there and that your not on your own.

I hope that helps

Good Luck x

[Shellyann]

It's sad that you can't even be yourself without people judging you and trying to make it hard for you. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, and even more sorry that your mom is not being a mom. Truthfully, she has her own problems with alcohol and probably hates herself so it's easy for her to lash out on you. You are worth so much more than what people say/think! I went through high school with some friends, but was pretty much put in a "category" by other girls. I wasn't as popular as some of the girls who were sexually active of course, but then there were those who thought they were better than me. I didn't have name brand clothes, but I was always clean and took pride in my appearance. For some reason, being shy or reserved was looked at unfavorably by some, and I was an outsider to say the least. It was weird because so many people didn't even try to get to know me, and now I understand that some people are just followers. It's easier to go along with the crowd instead of having a mind of your own, and I experienced that a lot. If one girl decided she didn't like me for whatever reason her social circle would follow suite just for the hell of it. I was so tired of trying to prove myself worthy or to show that I was "ok.", I quickly stopped trying to fit in, and befriended people who were down to earth like me. Truth be told the guys were way more welcoming than the girls, but it was such a great divide.

People are hateful and petty, when they don't have to be, because we all are human...you are human. You are human and you have feelings, and thoughts, and are just as worthy as the next. You don't have to have piercings or dye your hair to appease anyone. Bullies feel empowered to make you feel less of a person, and especially if they form groups. I chose my friends through observations, and watched closely who was approachable - who wasn't full of themselves and I begin to bond. I started ignoring people that were deliberately trying too hard to make me feel uncomfortable, and focused more on my social circle. People sometimes use hurt as fuel, and the more they see it's getting to you the more fuel they pump out. You are stronger than you think! Don't give up on yourself...If there are committees or groups you can join with people who act like mature people then go for it. I remember stepping outside of my box and joining the band just to prove to myself and others that I'm the ruler of me, and if I want something I'm going for it.

Let me tell you about a bully that physically lashed out at me after school. Every day, I would try to walk faster because we lived on the same street, and so we walked the same way going home. This guy was 275, and about 6'3, and he intimidated me at first because of his height, and look. Whenever he caught up with me from behind he would push me in the back, and then he started grabbing hold of my bra strap and pulling it to pop me in the back. The part that fasten mind you, so this is him physically putting his hands on me. I kid you not.. one day walking home he tried it again, and I just stopped and lunged out for his neck and I grabbed him yanking his chain off. I was terrified but felt inner strength from deep within me...I had reached my breaking point with this dude, and I reached down to the ground and picked up a brick. I was holding it like a quarterback would hold a football with a tight grip, and aiming high for his head. I'll never forget the look of surprise on his face..his eyes were wide and with a smile/smurk he said "oh oh look at Shellyann standing up for herself!" he told me that "that was what he had wanted me to do all along". I put the brick down breathing hard and eyes wide, and he walked around me and continued home. The next day we walked the same sidewalk and he didn't bother me, and even started speaking!!! This same dude years later asked me to be his girlfriend!! true story..(I'm in no way encouraging you to be violent) I'm just saying that at that moment I had decided that I wasn't going to walk home in fear any longer, and I decided to take his power from him. I was terrified of this guy because I've seen him bully others..slap other guys in the face just because he could. He used his weight and height to his advantage, but little old me..back then 125 lbs and 5'4 was ready for my big battle. I just knew that it had to end.

My heart goes out to you, and you have understanding in me.. I promise you if you hang in there things will get better for you...As for your mom..hate to say this, but if she's robbing you of self worth like that..you need to put distance between the two of you. As long as she uses the bottle to cope she could never be the mother/friend that you need her to be. I felt it just in reading your words that you hate her. Let me ask you..did her parents abuse her? I know that my mom grew up hard in an abusive household ..as her mother (my grandmother) name called and belittled her every chance she got...my mom is 63 now, and still harbors feelings that hurt her to the core. We talk a lot about how she grew up, and I can still hear the hurt in her voice, because she never received an apology..my grandmother is 89 now and still will not admit to what she did...

I embrace you...and have never seen or heard your voice but my arms are stretched out wide to give you a hug...I encourage you to find outlets that lift you up..music...books..art...or something that you really enjoy and don't stop talking about your feelings...let it out!! You only have one life to live and you are my hero..I know it's hard, but you are not alone...just hang in there love and find ways to channel those negative simply minded people out..I'm rooting for you!!!

Shellyann

[Bee4Shine]

I am so sorry. Bullying is wrong and selfish. People who engage in it are narcissistic and insecure. You don't have to find value in their opinions. You have value my friend. You are worth so very much. This stage of life is difficult, especially if you don't have people affirming you and telling you just how precious you really are. You were created uniquely, with special talents, special ways of thinking and someday you will come into that realization as you develop who you are. Can you hang in there? Can you look to the future and see that there is so much opportunity? As you grow you will see that the sky is the limit. Go to school, put your head down and study hard. Read, learn and grow. Develop relationships with the teachers and with people who have a better understanding of relationships.

When you have to go to your moms, take a book, take your music. Don't listen to the negativity. Tell her you love her inspite of the things that she says. Show her kindness, maybe it will rub off. I know, I should not have to tell a child to be an example to their parent. But here we are. It sounds like she really needs to learn to love and to be kind. Can you imagine if she actually learned that from you? What an accomplishment!

I wish I could reach out and hug you and tell you in person how precious you are. We would go for coffee and do something fun. Hang in there friend. You can make it through this stage of life in spite of all the negative stuff surrounding you!

[RandomGirlNo1]

It's human nature, that's how i feel what bullying is.
As someone from the sidelines during my school days, bullies tend to release their stress to people who seem meek or something like that.
For physique prob, i kind of relate. Any problem with your physique will make you feel more down.
Life is full of BS sometimes.

[The_Ways_of_Grey]

Hi,

I know I am jumping into this topic a little late, but I just recently joined the forum.
Your situation reminds me somewhat of my own a long time ago. I can tell you from experience that middle school is probably the time when people can be the most cruel. Bullying was an everyday experience for me. I had zero friends, though I cannot say I think people who would tell you to kill yourself can be called "friends". I was a good student, but sensitive and shy as well. When I came home, it was to an alcoholic father who also emotionally abused me, but I am thankful for my mother and sister who were there for me. Like your mom, he also claimed my depression was manipulation on my part. In reality, he was an excellent manipulator and did this to everyone around him. I wanted to kill myself almost every day for many years.

What I want you to know is you can get through this. It is not easy and it takes time. For me, high school was less of a hell than middle school. I hope the same will be true for you as well. The people who hurt you are wrong, not you. These kind of people will always find something to pick on. Maybe they have their own issues too, but this is your life. I still have a lot of work to do on my self-esteem, but I realized that everyone deserves to be respected as a human being. I have to agree with the other poster who suggested some distance between yourself and your mother. When the negative effect of my father was removed (he moved out when I was 17), things became a bit more manageable. But even before that, I began to distance myself from him emotionally. I have never regretted it. The negative effects of this type of situation can linger long into adulthood. I'm only recently learning how much this is true.

Your situation may be different, and I'm definitely not a therapist, but I am speaking to you from the heart. You are worthy of respect. If you have true friends, hold on to them. Find something, a bright spot, to get you through this time. Whether it's music, a hobby, the unconditional love of a pet, but try to hold on to something. I'm not telling you to ignore the hurt, because it is real, but hold on. Focus on improving your life, not on pleasing others who will never be pleased. Little by little, things can improve. Obviously, I am here, so I still struggle and my past does still affect me, but it feels like miles away from where I was. I am seriously rooting for you. *hugs*