I don't know what to do- Please help.

[HelloDarkness]

This may be a bit long, so sorry in advance.

(In case of any triggers, I'll be discussing anxiety, depression, stress, school, moderate self-harm, moderate eating disorder, family issues.)

I'm currently a student, and have no source of income, and rely on my mother (I am a teenager). I believe that I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for over 4 years (that's the soonest I can remember recognizing it) and have been self-harming (through what is called dermatillomania, or picking incessantly at one's skin) as long as I can remember (about 4 years old). I have been trying to talk to my mother about it for 3 years, and there have been many promises for help, many scoffs of disbelief and a lot of ignoring my problems. I realized that I would not be getting help from her (and my father is not in the picture), so I turned to my school counselor, and she informed me that she was unable to do anything without a parent's consent (my mother refused). I tried ignoring my problems and trying to live normally, but I noticed that my picking had been growing worse, I had distanced myself from friends and family, I couldn't concentrate and my grades were suffering, which is an extreme problem in my circumstances.

Someone else in the family got months off work due to anxiety and was getting lots of help and attention, and I managed to talk my mother into letting me see a doctor (although she was convinced by a spinal problem, and not my mental health). The doctor asked me about 7 questions, and said that it seemed that I did have anxiety, and if it got much worse or I considered self-harm (I sighed at this point) to come back and we'd see what we could do. I am openly searching for help, and I've been turned away at every attempt, and I'm really beginning to feel that there's nothing I can do but give in. I've only noticed recently that I have very unhealthy eating habits. I was eating healthily till about 4 months ago, when I began to compulsively eat- even when full to the point of being sick, I would still feel a strong urge to eat. My confidence (which practically never existed anyway) has begun to deteriorate. This is among the aches and sores in my body, migraines, emotional roller coasters, neglect in my home and much more (including a swab of daddy, mommy, stepdad-basically everyone in my life-related issues).

I truly don't want to feel like I'm having a pity-party, or be mocked over this (it's happened), I sincerely only want some advice. Please, if anyone can help me, I would very much appreciate it. Thank you.

[Puella]

It's good that you're recognizing what's happening. (I didn't understand my depression/anxiety for what it was for years until halfway through college). I'm sorry that the school counselor and doctor are not helping you. Stay in contact with them and tell them about any sort of ideations you may have. (I took up smoking in n effort to decrease my lifespan - it may seem silly but was part of a greater, scarier effort to self-sabotage my life.) Maybe eventually they'll be able to provide meds/therapist. :/

For food, I do have some advice: an accountability budd/friend/acquaintance. I didn't tell them all my problems, I just told them I needed someone to watch me/help me with starting a new healthy fitness lifestyle. Having someone watching me meant that I knew to have at least one healthy meal each day. It's also really hard not to confuse eating healthy with "dieting." Choose someone who knows a bit about healthy eating and that you don't mind watching you.

I don't know your whole situation so if this isn't helpful, please ignore me.

Edited: because I don't want to be long-winded.

[HelloDarkness]

It's good that you're recognizing what's happening. (I didn't understand my depression/anxiety for what it was for years until halfway through college). I'm sorry that the school counselor and doctor are not helping you. Stay in contact with them and tell them about any sort of ideations you may have. (I took up smoking in n effort to decrease my lifespan - it may seem silly but was part of a greater, scarier effort to self-sabotage my life.) Maybe eventually they'll be able to provide meds/therapist. :/

For food, I do have some advice: an accountability budd/friend/acquaintance. I didn't tell them all my problems, I just told them I needed someone to watch me/help me with starting a new healthy fitness lifestyle. Having someone watching me meant that I knew to have at least one healthy meal each day. It's also really hard not to confuse eating healthy with "dieting." Choose someone who knows a bit about healthy eating and that you don't mind watching you.

I don't know your whole situation so if this isn't helpful, please ignore me.

Edited: because I don't want to be long-winded.

I really appreciate your advice; I am planning on updating them as soon as I can, and I will definitely be talking to some people. I'm hoping it helps... Thank you again.