Depression Understood Forums

i don't know if this is depression or not. what i am is floating with no strings and no places to go; i just screw around. i used to care about grades and school and work and all of that but now it feels pointless. i don't know if i like my friends anymore. to be honest, i am just existing. sometimes i think about ending my life, but then i say, what's the point? i can either live a shitty life with no clue of what i want to do and make minimum wage at some fast food place or go to college and study God knows what for some equally crappy but probably higher paying job? and then what? get married and have kids? or die alone? i think, if i'm going to die alone i might as well do it now. but then i think, well what what if it gets better. but it doesn't get better, it just gets more exhausting. i used to think i was carefree, but now i wonder if i ever gave a f*** at all and if i ever will.

Hello Eleanor,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. And cool name I immediately thought of the story of the song

Eleanor I have been where you are and can very much relate to your story. I remember I didn't even feel like dying, because even that seemed like a lot of pointless effort. I was at university then. I wished I wasn't born. Anyway, this is about you, not me. What i can tell is that this experience can be increasingly frustrating. Also, Eleanor, you have two remarkable characteristics: courage, for questioning the way every body lives; and vision (in the management sense), because you can imagine what future will be like. Trust your talent Eleanor. I hope it helps you build a life that you will like, other than what everyone is saying you Should like.

to __d , thank you for being the first person to make me feel connected