Just Me

[Kromp]

Hey people.

I don't really have a sob story. In fact, my life has been pretty damn good. I grew up in a big, very religious family. I never went hungry and was never abused. I was happy as a kid.

We moved a lot. Right when I entered middle school we moved again. I lost all of my friends. I realized I was not great at making new ones. I also realized that religion and me did not get along.

I got depressed. I had few friends. I had no energy. I gained weight. I could not relate to my religious family members and felt trapped as I had no one to talk to.

I dealt with this for over 10 years, pretending to be happy even when I felt nothing. Wishing I did not exist for much of the time. At 22, it came to a head and I had a breakdown. Family was supportive. I found out I had extremely low testosterone levels. I got treatment. I felt like I kind of got better.

I lost over 100 lbs. Exercised. Got a college degree. Got a good job. I never got to normality. I never had a day that I thought to myself "You know, I am glad I exist today.".

Then I found Booze. I was freakin HAPPY. I freakin LOVED it. Long story short, I became a hardcore alchoholic. A fifth a night, usually. Felt like shit during the day, enjoyed the evenings. Realized this couldn't last. Sought help. Got more meds. Stayed off booze for a month. Realized nothing had really changed, still didn't want to exist. Drank again. Here I am. Seeing a shrink soon. Don't know what to do. I love my friends and family enough not to kill myself, but I really don't enjoy this thing called 'living' very much either. I just need some support, honestly. Like I said, I don't know what to do. I wish I could just stop existing without hurting family and friends. I don't want your pity - but I realize the value of experience. Please, share with me...I know you will not have 'THE ANSWER', but I just need suggestions on how to cope. I am struggling.

Thanks people.

[__d]

Hello Kromp,

Welcome to the forums, and thanks for sharing. Like you said I don't have the answer. I just want to tell you that neither alcohol nor drugs nor meds are cure. They are, at best, painkillers, or temporary energy boosters. Something else is taking your energy, and unless you fix it, you will need more and more of those temporary boosters. From your text I imagine you are closer to 20 than 40, so you still have a good lot of time. My suggestion: find out what consumes you, and there is hope to change it.

[Helloraspberries1]

Hi, this sounds like a difficult situation.

I'm glad you feel better then you once did. Sounds like you got the help and support needed which is good. Also your family being there too.

I don't know whether your still getting further support. You mentioned counselling. Are you still particatping in that?

You mentioned having an addiction to alcohol. Have you received treatment for that? I understand that when your still feeling down you reach out to those what you think will do you good but don't.

I think counselling might do you good.

Please keep reaching out.

[Kromp]

I went to a help center yesterday, they recommended detox ...so here I am.