A letter to my ex

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chocolateislove
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2016 2:57 pm
Location: United Kingdom

A letter to my ex

Postby chocolateislove » Fri Jun 10, 2016 5:34 pm

Thank you for all the good times we shared. Even though these were only at the very beginning and I think they’re pretty limited, and also during the good times they were pretty much always overridden by bad times. Sometimes I wonder why we were ever together. I don’t think you ever really loved me in all truth. I think you loved the idea of me, and you claim you knew me, but you couldn’t have known me less. I don’t blame you for everything that went wrong, but I seriously think, not in any kind of patronising way, that you have some very deep routed issues. I know I have them too. But you used me. You took advantage of me, you did everything to me that I told you I hated about people. You took my love, my warmth, my heart and turned me into a cold empty shell of a person. Not for too long though. I realise now I'm too strong for that. I will never get over the pain that I’ve been through throughout this, what feels like, never ending, complicated, toxic unhealthy relationship. I look back and now know that what we had wasn’t love. It never was. I’m not quite sure either of us are ready for anything like that. At least I know you certainly aren’t. I feel as though you have a thousand metre thick wall up, and I really hope one day you meet someone who you can be yourself with and completely open up to. I tried with you, I really did, and I got nothing. It hurt like hell. I don’t know who you are. It scares me, I feel like I lived with a stranger. Whenever I wanted to talk about anything, you would make me feel worthless, and that anything I ever said with any kind of feeling was thrown completely back in my face. You made me feel humiliated, lonely, isolated, and unbelievably insecure. You knocked every bit of confidence I had in myself. You made me feel stupid, like a child that had no idea what I was talking about. You made my life a living hell when I was at my most stressful time. Thanks for that anyway, it made me stronger and gave me the energy to bang out a first class honours degree, with or without your support I would’ve done it either way. I only know that now, because thanks to the way you treated me and left me with no support, care, nothing… I am now empowered and realise I can do whatever I want without your jealous evil self attempting to make me feel weak. I now know what I deserve, what I could be capable of, and what kind of person I am. You will never ever break me, I will keep shining on with warmth and love in my heart. I hope the way I acted with you when I wasn’t the nicest of people showed you a mirror of what kind of person you are. When I met your mum you were even rude to her. How can you ever respect a woman let alone have a family if you can’t even respect your own mother. The thing is though, I know you’re going to be successful. I know this because people with no remorse, empathy or lack of guilt for their actions are always successful. Because they manipulate their way through life. In that case, I feel sorry for you. I’m not sure you will ever view the world the way I do. There is too much darkness that surrounds you, and I also feel sorry for anyone that has to go through what I went through with you. I can see you now, probably not even reading this, refusing to take it in because your narcissistic self won’t let it, probably thinking, she’s crazy and mental what is she talking about. Just like the way you used to say I was messed in the head all the time, and making me feel like the bad person when I lashed out in anger, after you had pushed me and pushed me until I broke. That’s why I always got the blame, because your initial actions would be forgotten due to my reactions with rage and anger. Anyway. All of this doesn’t matter now. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. All you were in my life was a lesson. A lesson to show what I am worth, what I deserve, and what kind of evil there is out there in the world. Thank you for all your emotional abuse. I have never before looked so forward to the future and felt so free in my entire life.


To anyone that has been in an emotionally abusive relationship with a sociopath, narcissist, etc... It was not your fault. They used you and your kind loving nature just to make their own self feel better for what their egotistic selves lacked in. I really do hope anyone that reads this and has been in a similar situation can feel strength from this, and realise that if I can get through this then so can you. We are all so much stronger than we think and know.

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defeated
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Postby defeated » Sat Jun 11, 2016 10:31 am

Hey chocolate *hugs*

I'm so sorry you were put through all that. Thank you for sharing this, I'm sure we can all relate in some ways. I know I've had people that have done the same to me.

I admire your strength and it's great to see that you are able to push on. *more hugs*

<3.

GlassHeart
Posts: 26
Joined: Fri May 27, 2016 8:17 am
Location: United States

A letter to my ex

Postby GlassHeart » Sat Jun 11, 2016 1:06 pm

Oh my. I could've written this myself. I identify with what you say!
I was JUST now writing a letter, which I will not send, to the person I loved! Oh, so many things I wish I could say to him! I know I cannot contact him - it's no use. He probably has blocked my messages though I rarely contact him. He has abandoned the friendship and moved on. I feel a terrible void! Right now I am in a very small town. Most everyone my age is married with children and they have no time for me - as I have tried making new friends with the locals. I'm not picky. I give people a chance.
My only hope is that I will get to return to my home city and start anew - get a new job and meet new people I have more in common with.
I am reading Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving. It is really helping me sort out the feelings I have been having about my lost love, and trying to acknowledge things about myself.
Thank you for writing this Letter to your ex. I was doing the same thing just a few minutes ago! I am going through something similar. I wish I could go out and just find someone else, but being in a small town makes it more frustrating. I am glad you are using this forum. I hope it is helping you. It's been beneficial to me in my isolation. Thank You <3

chocolateislove
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2016 2:57 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Re: A letter to my ex

Postby chocolateislove » Tue Aug 16, 2016 11:38 am

Hey GlassHeart!
I only just saw this post.
I'm sad that you can identify with this as I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, but also feel happy in knowing that I am not alone and you can relate. I hope you are doing well, and are feeling better since this post.
I have been having ups and downs, but feel as though I have definitely said a final goodbye to this relationship and can finally find a way to move forwards, and use it as a lesson. I think the things we go through in life we have to realise that they are blessings in disguise and try to understand them in a positive way. Easier said than done, and easier AFTER you have been through it.
That sounds interesting, I may have to have a look into reading that.
I really want to read Mind Platter, by someone called Najwa Zebian. I follow her on instagram and her work is so very real and beautiful.
I hope this forum is helping you too, and thank you for saying my post is beneficial to you, it is really nice to hear. Take care <3


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