Part of my Part Two

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lamm
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Sep 13, 2008 2:24 pm
Location: Winnipeg, Canada

Part of my Part Two

Postby lamm » Tue Sep 30, 2008 11:39 pm

After Dad's funeral, came Wills. Mom didn't have one. She was with Dad while he was making his, and was going to do hers after, Ha ha. But I remembered a few nights before she died, we were talking about her talking to the lawyer at the hospital with dad. I suddenly asked her if there was anything she wanted. She mentioned songs she wanted at her funeral, and then said that she wanted the house to be kept in trust for my brother, so he would always have a place, as caregivers would come and go in his life. I'm glad I asked. Eerie. But HOW???? Bills needed to be payed on the house. Back home I guess. Part of me was ready to go back home. To "Mom" to happy times. Part of me was beyong angry that I had to leave my little home that I loved. I remember when we got it. It was nearly a hundred years old. Just over 700 square feet. It needed work. I stipped nearly a hundred years worth of paint of the beautiful woodwork. Stained, urethaned it. For a wedding present, mom paid for the hardwood beneath the cheap white carpeting, to be sanded and varnished. My husband and I painted and painted. He fixed some "holey" walls. It was now an adorable little home. I LOVED IT, albeit was small. I loved the leaded windows in the "livingroom" (the reason I fell in love with the place actually - I always wanted to live in a house with fancy leaded windows), and the little piano window. I remember Mom and me looking for curtains for the veranda. I bought some bamboo shades. I remember the day she helped me put them up. She loved verandas, the house of her youth had one. Now I did too. The veranda ended up being a peaceful little place. With the bamboo shades and the artificial ficus tree I put out from the dining room. My husband and I would sit out there in the evenings on green plastic lawn chairs. Having coffee and chatting. Sometimes I would like to sit on the front steps, looking at my "garden". In the spring of the year we got the house, I decided to "landscape" There already was the usual stretch of flowers underneath the front windows. But I felt like my creative self So I dug down on either side of the sidewalk as well. A faily large amount. The lot in the front was tiny, so three-quarters was the flower-bed. But wait! After I dug, my husband and I covered the fresh mud with a couple layers of wet newspaper to discourage weeds, Then got pea gravel, and covered it with that. Now the fun part began! I went went shopping for plants!!! My "vision" was many hostas and rocks. We used our Canadian Tire money, as my husband was not working, and bought a hosta. We also ended up getting some catmint which we put by a somewhat large rock we bought, that was now placed by the wooded front stairs. Some lambs ear, and arctic flox. Mom dug up some pieces of her plants and donated them - archangel, and more hostas!!! Two :) She also gave us some different types of sedums. Also, who donated us plants, was the sweet old lady two doors down. Maya. She was a cute Ukrainian "baba". Like mine was. But less "modern" (Although Grandma was born on the farm and learned no English until she was twelve - she was a modern lady). She also somewhat looked like Grandma. She melted my heart, and I "adopted" her. So the garden was complete, and may I say....it really did look great!!! Mom was very proud of my accomplishment! Although hubby was happy to take alot of credit for it This place was truly our own. With pieces of Mom thrown in.
The time to move back to now, what would be "the ancestral home", would be coming up very soon. My husband was asking around for who would like to rent our little home. Neither of us wanted to let it go. Both my husband and I, also spent weeks changing my childhood home. The thought of living in it, exactly as I left it a little over a year ago, was too, too much. I would expect to see Mom coming around every corner. Moving day arrived, in an "interesting way". I woke uo to my husband telling me "Dave is coming over to help us move, he has to leave his apartment today" WTF?????!!!!! NOTHING was said before. But that is Dave. Never said anything till the LAST minute (I would learn more about that "behaviour" later So I spent a couple of hours racing around, throwing stuff into boxes and bags. We were out of our home in record time. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in mom's living room, with boxes and furniture from our place, and mom's furniture. All in the livingroom through the small hall, and into the diningroom. I couldn't get through to the back patio. I sat down and balled.
The next few weeks were surreal. Back at home, but no mom. As I said, my husband and I tried to change the look at much as possible, but.....Gradually, mom's stuff, some of our stuff, and dad's went down to the basement. That quickly filled up.
10 at night, was a very hard time. For years, at that time I would climb up the stairs to mom's room and have a chat with her, over cigarettes and chocolate milk. Sometimes at 10, I would still go up there, sit in "my" chair by her bed, and have cigarettes and chocolate milk. The room still smelt like her. I kept the door closed, and her closet open.
The computer area is this little "room" behind the stairs. From the "office" you can see mom's room. I remember how late at night, I would be on the computer, and I would see the light of the t.v in Moms room flickering, as her door was open a crack. You could faintly hear her t.v. So I started to leave the t.v on in her room, with her door open a crack. And I could faintly hear the t.v in her room while I went on the computer. I could "pretend" for a while.....Eventually, I got some of her clothes, and made a "mom-shaped" lump under her blankets. With the door open a crack, as I would be coming up the stairs in the evening to use the computer, I could again, "pretend". This lasted for several months.
I need to stop for a bit

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sigmund
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Postby sigmund » Wed Oct 01, 2008 5:08 am

it sounds like you are having trou ble dealing with your mother passing, living in her house would not help. i lost my mum in 2006 and i still have trouble accepting she is gone. what i would have suggested was to rent out your mother's house and for you to stay in your own home.
talk to your GP and tell them how you feel, also talk to your mum and dad and tell them how you feel.
perhaps your husband could also seek help for his problems too. hang in their it does get easier but the pain of losing your parents is always there try to remember the good times and know they are smiling down on you and watching. sorry if you have not finished part 2 of your story didn't mean to interupt.


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