Dont exist

[Jbrad]

Ok here goes nothing, im a twenty-six year old female I have three beautiful kids. I work everyday of my life and dont get to spend nearly as much time as I would like with them. I've now found myself in a horrible financial problem. I'm losing everything, car, apartment, etc. The father of my two kids doesn't have to pay support because he ran and got SSI and the state figures that means he doesn't have to help support them.. FINE I will and while I do that they wont get time with me... But yet the father to my youngest has to pay over HALF of his paycheck to his ex that they only have ONE kid together. THANKS to the state. SO that leaves him with barely enough money to pay to get to work. That's FAIR... I spend all my money supporting my kids.. The state says I make to much for assistance... If that was true I wouldnt be in debt and losing everything. I'm not like all the moms that get help. I NEVER had my hair done professional, nails done, name brand clothes, nothing I still wear clothes from highschool hell even 7th grade clothing. I know most people thinks this would be asking for something free its not. I pay for everything I have.. Yet get denied for help from everywhere. So now it's come the 26th of this month my car is getting Repossessed... Than how am I suppose to get to work... This is truely a sad situation I found myself in. But yet no where to turn for help. People say what about your family..I agree what about them???? Oh yeah I dont exist to them unless I'm helping them. Have you ever been so depressed that you realize everyday you will wake up to the same thing. A fight to survive. All I need is a little financial help to get caught up and I would be fine. But you cant get that from anyone or any organization. I dont want it for free I would pay it back down to the cents. THE sad thing is I was told I was approved for help... THEY EMPTIED my bank account and every pay check deposited for a month after.. YET NOTHING WAS DONE, because im alive but i dont EXIST... I have no one but my kids.. and im so close to letting them down it hurts. Everyday the tears on my face is the hurt inside me escaping. I want them to have the life I didnt. My parents didnt care about me like my siblings...Was like I meant nothing to them.. Started when I was a kid I swear Im cursed everything bad happens to me all started happening after we lost our home in a fire. Parents that didnt work to support us. Having nothing growing up. Eatting the same thing everyday for over a year I swore from that day on if I had kids that it wouldnt happen to them like me, AND im so close to letting them down. WHAT DO YOU DO IN THAT SITUATION, sit back and watch? NO I REFUSE to. Ill work 24/7 before that happens... Im truely starting to think that no one cares. ALL the pain in this world and I feel like its all coming down on me... I wouldnt be in this situaion but medical reasons I lost work hours for awhile so i got behind.. I WANT to LIVE... And I cant.. Its like counting down the seconds till its all over...I feel like im a complete mess up... I feel alone in this big world... I have no one to talk to ...I WANT to EXIST... I need HELP, I've never had to say it before.. I DONT know what to do who to go to. I'm LOST..... Just remember words hurt.... When I asked for people to talk to before I was hurt really bad..... IM not out for anything free..not asking for anything but for someone to realize I'm HERE!

[nenkohai2]

I hear you. I know, for sure, you are there.

It's good you've decided to write - here or wherever. I hope you will continue.

[emily67]

sometimes it can feel like you're invisible, and that really does suck.

hi:)