The RAINBOW of Emotions - Still Love him

[stillinlove]

I am going to do my best here to tell my story w/o jumping around too much.

My boyfriend and I have been together about a year now (we're both 30). A few months into our relationship he opened up to me about have SAD, which is why everyone once in awhile he would take a couple nights away from me, which later we both realized was not the case since the depression has been with him all summer too. Anyhow, we both fell really hard for one another - I would say it's the closest thing to love at first sight. We met and the connection was immediate - we have everything in common from hobbies to morals and we even resemble each other. We would spend many nights just staring in each others arm... no fear just love growing. The few nights apart started to turn into two - three nights together and I let him have that space and quite frankly, I thought it was healthy that we were not spending every night together.

Then he got hit full throttle with depression. His mom has battled it all her life - so with him, I am fairly certain it is both nature and nurture he has to battle. She has been on a homeopathic regiment for a couple years now and it has changed her life, all for the better. My boyfriend got all the tests fun and he is on a regiment now too - I am so proud of him for hitting this head on and I KNOW he is going to make it through this.

My side of the coin is this - two weeks ago he told me he needs a break from me. He said he did not want me to see him like this (the depression got deeper than I have ever seen him after he found out his "happy" hormones were lower than anyone the Dr had seen before) and that he hated what the depression is doing to me. So, he said until he got going on the homeopathic stuff that he needed to not try and be involved with me - that the stress was hard for him when he was trying to battle it. So, I have gone from sad, to demoralized to really angry back to sad then to optimistic. Right now I am mostly sad and optimistic - which feels better than feeling angry - that was hard. I guess I am just scared of what will happen. I know things will change - they always do - I am just wondering how he will approach me again and what I will do when I see his sweet face for the first time after what feels like forever apart.

How I am dealing - I am completely 100% respecting him and giving him the space he needs. I do not want to push him and I want him to come to me when he is ready. The strange thing is I am so confident in our love that I know he will come - I just don't like waiting and wondering how he is doing and if he is sad, feeling better or what. I think another thing I have realized is that it is very important that I take care of myself, and not only for me but for my BF. When he is ready to be together again, I know I need to be of healthy heart and mind because if I am not, I will resent him for this and blame him and he will most certainly feel that, which will end us before we even get a chance. I guess the point I am making is that if you are waiting on the sidelines for your depressed love to get better - do it with the utmost dignity you can muster - take care of yourself, stay optimistic for your love and pray for them. All of these positive forces will have an impact.

This is my story in a nutshell. I am bewildered at how many people are going through the same thing and in a way it is comforting to know. I just wish I heard more good news. I have to believe the good news is not here because those people have no reason to come to these forums to complain. I wish you all success and luck. Believe, believe, believe....and hope, always.

[hey-its-ok]

Hi Stillinlove, welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing your story with us. I hope he is able to turn around quickly and come back to you without a long wait. All the best!

[flojo]

Sounds like you are on a great path in dealing with this. Taking care of your health and happiness is the only way to go.

Keep up the good work.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((( stillinlove ))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you for sharing your story and thank you so much for your good wishes. Sending good thoughts back to you.

Warmie

[stormerhas]

Hello, Stillinlove,

I'm new to the forum too. I was touched by your love and commitment to your boyfriend. Yes, stay strong and continue to do for yourself while letting your BF have his time. It takes two people to make a relationship work. Both of you have to be healthy minded.

I think you are a very healthy minded person and wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted.