So depression and mental illness run in my family. Both of my grandmothers have had suicide attempts. My grandfather and my dad are alcoholics, though papa has been sober for over 50 yrs. My dad is not.
My home growing up was scary and not very nice. Some bad things happened to me, I was hurt badly a couple of times and taken advataged of. My dad was always in and out of rehab. I remember when I scored my first goal in hockey, he had to be escorted out of the rink. He used to coach my softball team too until he showed up drunk to one too many games. My mom tried her best, but she has major flaws too. She did divorce him when I was 14 and the divorce was as ugly as that sort of thing could get. Custody battles, money battles, the whole thing.
I should also mention that I have a twin, a sister 12 months behind me and a brother two years behind me. So alomg with growing up in an abusive household, I had to compete with my twin all the time.
I tried my best to get along, I did really well in school, I exceled in sports, I was the pretty girl and everything just looked perfect from an outsiders point of view. Nobody knew that by the age of 13 I was cutting and making myself throw up just to try and gain control over my life. I wanted to die and only a friend saved me from doing the ultimate act.
When I reached 15 and going into my sophmore year of high school, I sent myself to Canada for the summer. I found a job before hand and a place to stay and I just left. I told my mom teh day before and she let me go. That was one of the happiest times of my life. It was three months on my own, away from everything. I even got my first kiss there
. I was also taken advantaged of there too, but I dont really think about that.
When I came back home, I was determined to make things better. I found my first long term boyfriend and things were looking up and then I crashed and burned. By march of 2006, my legs were so cut up that wearing pants was ultra painful. I had my first hosptilization which really helped me and I met some amazing people.
Junior year I switched schools, switched bf's (from a nice one to a mad abusive one) and had a repeat of sophomore year, ending with another hospitalization. But then in outpatient therapy, my group leader told me that she doubted I would be healthy enough to complete high school on time and that I would have to go to some special school and be content with that.
That turned things around for me. I went back to school, played three sports, enrolled in all ap classes like I had before and graduated in the top 5% of my class and am now going to a good college...so it is possible to turn things around!
You are a 'star' in my book!!!