im dying and no one cares

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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heather.haywire
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Postby heather.haywire » Fri Jun 12, 2015 8:34 am

Thanks again for replying to my drunken post long ago. (Sent you some PM's thanking you). Wish I would've replied to you back then it would've helped me get a lot out. Btw sorry about talking about myself so much, it's rude and I should know better. Strikingly beautiful poem btw. Can I copy in my notebook? I feel it gives me strength. I will read it everyday to help me through those days I'm down.

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JonsDragonEyes
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Postby JonsDragonEyes » Fri Jun 12, 2015 1:22 pm

You don't ever have to apologize to me Heather. You needed someone to listen to you and there isn't anything in the world wrong with that. In my eyes I don't see you as rude at all. You should be able to talk as much as you need and no one has that right to judge you.

And yes you can copy that poem in your notebook. I wrote it because I wanted to help people with it.

Love and Hugs Always , Star
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! -- Rocky Balboa

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JonsDragonEyes
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Postby JonsDragonEyes » Fri Jun 12, 2015 11:40 pm

Tonight I'm picking up my pen and writing again. I know if I keep writing I'll keeping hanging on...

I heard a tree frog this evening. The sound echoed out from all around the creek and hollow. It makes me think of the deep places hidden away from the rest of the world. A place where only if your from the country you know of and come to realize. As the sun sets tonight over the hills and I watch the world around me slip into darkness I think about life.

I love the change from the smell of sweet , warm grass to cool, wet earth when the sun goes down. I like the soft cooing sounds the doves make when they call out. This colorful world going on all around me stretching as far as my eyes can see among the distant mountains and hills.

Has anyone ever noticed when some birds fly they travel in packs ? All of a sudden you'll look up and here will come this huge crowd of birds all flying together and they will land in a tree and then when they decide to take off they all take off together. Their wings sound like a loud rush of the ocean waves as they hit the breeze and soar away together almost as if being one......... I love that sound. Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could all "fly" as one ? Where no one person is ever left behind to be all by themselves.

There is another stray cat here. When she came she is so tame I'm guessing she is another " throw out " from the city. She was so pregnant she looked like she was going to pop. I took her in and watched her as she gave birth. You could tell that it was her first. It was so overwhelming for her that she didn't know what to do when the first kitten come out.

When kittens are born they're born in very clear , thin bubble- like sac coverings. Most mothers "just by instinct" know to lick the bags to break through them so the kitten can breathe. This one didn't know how to so I had to do it for her. It's not really that hard it can broken gently with your fingernail.

I will never , EVER forget as long as I live breaking the sac with my nail and watching the kitten open it's mouth wide and gasp for air for the very first time. There are so many firsts they have in their life.

The first time they open their eyes.

The first time they walk.

The first time they start to eat on their own.

But it's nothing compared to watching and knowing that you helped something so small take it's first breath of life in this world.

Casper still comes around. He will let me get about three feet away from him. He still has the sore on his side. When I look at him I want to cry. His wound is starting to attract insects. I sat there on the ground tonight and watched him as he ate and seen the bugs swarming around his wound and his infected ears but when I reached out to touch him he pulled back and just stared at me in fear. It's so frustrating it just made me want to scream.

Sometimes an animal will get something called fly strike. Believe me it's not for the faint of heart. In warm weather when an animal gets an open wound and if it's bad enough flies will lay their eggs in the open skin. Not long after that maggots will hatch out and will start living deep inside the skin. Infection will set in if it's not treated.

I've seen so much of this in my lifetime. I could help him. I can pick the maggot eggs and larvae out myself. If infection hasn't set in too bad the wound can be cleaned out daily peroxide. I'm not afraid to but I can't do it if he won't let me.



There are two raccoons that keep coming around here at night. They are like two furry little thieves in the darkness. They come up here and raid the cat food bowls. I call one Blubber and the other Tubbo. They argue over the food even though there is plenty for both of them. They remind me of " The Three Stooges. " I haven't seen Tubbo for a few nights but Blubber had a pretty interesting confrontation down by the bird feeder. It seems he has some more competition for his evening meal. This time it was a small skunk. I don't think either of the "eager food chompers" was happy to see each other. Blubber came precariously close to getting himself skunk bombed. It was kind of funny to see this tiny , little skunk doing an angry little prancing dance in front of him. It really did look like the skunk was dancing. For a skunk it sure had some cool moves. lol Although, I guess the skunk didn't find any of the situation quite amusing as I did. But it filled my heart with warmth knowing what a wonderful life we have with animals in it and how lost we would be without them sharing our world.

I don't know what else to write. I just got to keep writing. I got to keep telling myself the hurt is going to stop soon. Someday I'll wake up from this horrible nightmare and everything will be all right again. Some night I will fall asleep like everyone else does and not from always crying myself to sleep. It has to stop hurting soon. It just has to.

It just has to doesn't it ?????????????
Last edited by JonsDragonEyes on Sun May 01, 2016 10:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! -- Rocky Balboa

porcupine
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Postby porcupine » Sat Jun 13, 2015 7:32 am

I think about some species of animals, that are yet undiscovered by humans in the world, and I hope that they don't get found. As probably mankind will destroy them for some selfish reason. Humans have made so many species extinct.

Often, I feel like I can't say things like that in the outside world. A lot of people think it's ok to sell animals down the river for their own selfish reasons. They seem to think that if I stand up for animals that I must dislike people. I don't. I just realise we're not the only species in this world. Why do people think people are more important? It's just arrogance. Obviously, I don't like some people, but that's with good reason.

Something I find helps my depression, is offering advice to other depressed /anxious people. I'm no expert advice giver, but I just do what I can. It's a bit like the blind leading the blind. But a blind person at least knows what another blind person feels like.

I've been struggling, as usual. I feel so alienated. I feel like I can't say what's on my mind to people around me. I'm struggling to do small talk with them, as I'm exhausted and know too much about them, which makes me not want to bother.

There are people I like around me, but I just feel too tired of life to talk much. I tend to just say the bare minimum. I hope this will be enough for them to not feel offended. I feel guilty, but I'm just so tired of life. It takes me all my strength to even do so-called simple tasks. I just want to crawl away and wait to die. I hope your misery gets better.

addseo1115
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Postby addseo1115 » Fri Jun 19, 2015 3:10 am

Living is important. You have time for discovering something for your life.
Don't waste your time to stay in blue.
Keep your life to be better everyday.

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JonsDragonEyes
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Postby JonsDragonEyes » Sat Jul 04, 2015 3:54 am

Tonight there are no stars in the night sky. You've never seen dark until you've seen it from the eyes of a person who lives in the country. No city lights only blackness as far as the eye can see. But yet even through all that darkness there is a bright side. Because when the stars shine it's more beautiful than what you've ever seen. Billions of stars in the sky looking right back at you.

I'm alive. I can feel my heart beating, I know I'm breathing but I've never felt so hopeless inside. Each day kinda runs into the next always seeming to feel the same.

Tonight I sat and listened to the rain against my window and I thought of Casper. I wondered where he was out there in the darkness and I wished with all my heart he was inside with me so I could hold him.

Days you struggle to get through yet somehow make it..... but the nights are what kills you.

There really isn't a whole lot for me to write about I'm just randomly writing to hold on.

My town had fireworks the other night at the fairgrounds. From where my house sits you can see them off to the west. As crazy as this sounds The fourth of July has always been one of the saddest holidays to me. Number one of course is always Christmas but the other has always been the fourth. Why ? Because I've always wished to be able to find that special someone to watch them with. Someone that would wrap their arms around me and hold me so close to their body all warm against the cool of the night air and I could lean back against them and look up at the beautiful colors exploding against the dark night sky .... watching fireworks all alone is one of the loneliest feelings in the world. I watched them all by myself. The bright colors of red and blue and green and white were still beautiful even through the tears in my eyes ... but it still just wasn't the same. Just once I wish I had someone there to hold onto me.

All my life I've heard the expression don't judge a book by it's cover. I think people who are depressed should use that for their motto. Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could look inside each and every one of us. Look far beyond the tears that fall from our eyes , our hearts that bleed , our lips that somehow forgotten how to smile and our will to live that down the road of life somehow got broken.

Don't judge us ... don't give up on us , just understand and love us.

Don't look at our covers ... look at our hearts. Sometimes you can stare so long at a " cover " you never turn the pages of our lives and see how we are all really written up.

My heart hurts for all of the people that never have a chance for someone to really know and understand them. To never be seen on the inside for what we should be seen for.

All of us have the pages of a story inside us. A story that makes us who we are. It makes our heart's beautiful and our souls unique and special. In a world of a million people yet the " pages " of our individual stories that make us who we are are all different.

All we really want to be is opened up and " read and seen " for who we are
.
My heart hurts tonight for all of the people who give up on life and die from suicide because they've given up from waiting too long for that to happen.

And sometimes you wait so long and you hurt so bad you start to lock yourself up so you can't ever be read or seen.

And in a way, that makes me the saddest of all.
Last edited by JonsDragonEyes on Sun May 01, 2016 10:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! -- Rocky Balboa

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JonsDragonEyes
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Postby JonsDragonEyes » Sun Jul 05, 2015 1:03 am

This evening I set outside and watched the sun go down. One of the coolest parts of the day because your literally sitting in between the last rays of the sun and the birth of the night... As I was looking around I caught sight of something in the weeds at the end of my driveway. It was a long , huge rock about three feet long and flat. When I was a little girl me and my cousin used to draw on it. Did you know that you can draw pictures on a rock by using another one ? Sorta like a pencil or a crayon. It makes a mark something like a chalk outline. We would pick up rocks with a "sharp" - ish end and draw all kinds of pictures on this rock. You can even erase them and write over them. Many summers before the sun went down on warm summer evenings we would sit out there and draw everything imaginable until our mothers called us in before dark.

I remember that feeling of being a kid. So innocent , so happy. never knowing about any kind of pain that exists out there in the world. I remember feeling like life went on forever and if you had to worry....well then worrying was like a million miles away and nothing had to hurt forever.

I remember being a little girl with big , shiny brown eyes who thought she could change the whole world for the better. I had dreams as big as the whole state of West Virginia and then some.

I sit there tonight watching the sun turn into a dark red ball of fire as it set and I could hear life all around me. The birds singing , the wind through the leaves... I could even hear people across the creek from me setting off small firecrackers and I thought to myself how could I go from being such a little kid full of life to a woman who is 38 and wanted to end everything.

And that made me think of what I wrote about last night. About how all of us , every single one of us in this life are all like pages of a book with stories not on the outside but on the inside. And it's so unfair for any of us to die right in the middle of the pages of our lives. I want with all my heart to be here for the pages that are still inside of me.

I walked out to where the rock was and I wrote my name in big letters all across it. STAR

I'm all alone. I trusted the wrong people but I won't let two women's possible idea of a cruel joke take away what life I know that I was born to live in.

I believed them with all my heart and I let them fool me into thinking they were someone else. Someone I loved very much. But it's okay... because if I have the ability to love someone as much as I did when I thought "they" were him... then I have all the strength I need to survive the hurt they caused me. Love like that doesn't just come from nowhere... it comes from deep inside me. And anything that strong is born to survive.
Someday a long time down the road I'll forget about Angie and Vicki.

Someday along the road I may even open up to trust someone else online again. Someday I may even find somebody that will love me with all their heart.

Who knows.

When I thought about my childhood I seen this smiling, laughing, little girl and it's so hard to believe that I could forget what it's like to actually be that happy. God , life can hurt you so badly sometimes.

According to both of them they say the guy I talked to was for real. Yet he wouldn't do anything to help me when I was afraid it wasn't. And Angie's cousin Benji had warned me saying that he knew for sure Angie was pretending to be the guy I talked to.

Was he for real ? I guess I will never know. And that has and always will break my heart. But one thing I have to keep in mind is... IF he was real.. what kind of man is he to just sit there and watch me suffer and not do anything to help me.

A man would have to be pretty cruel and heartless to do that. And someone like that doesn't deserve one bit of love from me. He doesn't deserve my friendship either , he doesn't deserve my tears , he doesn't even deserve the time it takes for me to think about him.

How could anyone who is worth anything sit there on their ass and watch someone hurt so much and do nothing.

Sometimes when I hurt I listen to music. Have you ever come across a song that seems to fit your life perfectly ?? I found one. It's called " A Time For Letting Go " by Michael Bolton" some of the lyrics go



Sometimes you find out what you wanted
Isn't really what you need
And the dream in all its promise
Was never meant to be

All your hope and desperation
Won't make it like it was
And you believe the pain will never pass
Believe me in time it does

You've gotta know when love is over
You've gotta learn to carry on
And with the world upon your shoulders
You walk away when hope is gone

When your golden road has reached the end
You find the strength to start again
You know
There's a time for love and a time for letting go

When you're standing tall tomorrow
Looking back at yesterday
Through the memory of your sorrow
How the dawn was so far away

You'll be far beyond the shadows
Where hearts can learn to shine
And you'll realize the endless night
Was only a moment in time

I'm still tired but I don't want to give up anymore.

I've been listening to this song over and over with the volume tuned up as loud as it can go. I may go deaf but the words are finally sinking in.

I'm keeping that little rock I wrote my name on the other rock with. I think I'll always carry it around with me to remind me.


I am a hero like I wrote in my poem. I was born to be a hero. And I won't let those people take that away from me.
Last edited by JonsDragonEyes on Tue Aug 25, 2015 7:05 am, edited 2 times in total.

porcupine
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Postby porcupine » Sun Jul 05, 2015 7:10 am

It's unbelievable how cruel, people can be. At least it used to be unbelievable. I wouldn't expect anything else now. I don't even care if people want me dead or not now. I went out with someone last year, who just left me to die. Well, what goes around comes around.

I remember when I was very young, thinking if I had a wish, I would wish to live for ever. It seemed like the most obvious thing to wish for. Now, it would be one of the very last things I would wish for.

I remember standing in a garden, thinking it was like Heaven. It was sunny and it was like a meadow. Sometimes, life seemed magical.

Then the rot set in, gradually the poison of life sunk into every pore, and broke me right to my soul. I just wait to die now. I like the song, 'Walk On'. Some versions are better than others. It's about carrying on and getting through and then finding peace. I want to rest in peace so much and for my suffering to end.

darkness6172
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Location: Terrassa(Barcelona) SPAIN

Postby darkness6172 » Sun Jul 05, 2015 10:42 am

Dear, Star...we cannot force Friends (real Friends) to come inot our life... they appear when we less expect it. REAL, HONEST FRIENDSHIP takes time but it's doable..I read your post...I posted mine as in "I CAN HELP" .You are not alone. We share the same feeling about animals being more loyal tan human being...but I have found, at last, that there are exceptions... Now I am not darkness anymore, I am turning into light. I don't know you, and you don't know me but as a token of trust I give you my email if you want to reach to me directly: "[email protected]"... You can check my profile on Interpals : Darkness61...
DAY BY DAY, IN EVERY WAY, I AM GETTING BETTER AND BETTER
MARTA (BARCELONA-SPAIN)

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JonsDragonEyes
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Postby JonsDragonEyes » Sun Jul 05, 2015 6:52 pm

Hey there Porcupine. I'm sorry your hurting so much. I wish there was more that I could do for you. If wishes came true that sure would be one of mine. To completely wipe depression and all of those horrible feelings off the face of the planet forever.

I wish I had the answers to tell you how to overcome this. I'm still struggling on my own but I know somehow the answer is deep inside all of us. We can do it. Like I said a million times I'm glad for sites like this because at least we know we aren't all by ourselves. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found this place.

And hi there Darkness6172 it's very nice to meet you. I totally understand what you mean 100%. You can never force someone into your life.... but forcing a little bit more compassion from people should be. If someone claims they want to be your friend then it wouldn't hurt for them to actually ACT like it. Saying your someone's friend is super easy ... but acting like it is totally different. If a person doesn't want to really be a friend then they shouldn't lead you on and act like they wanted to be. It's as simple as that.

I am so glad your not in darkness anymore, you sound like a wonderful person. And strong too.

As for me.. I'm still thinking about all of those pages in my life I have yet to write. Closure is the next big step. I look at the situation this way. It was either real or it wasn't ... If it wasn't I'll find out. Growing up I remember loving all of those cop/detective shows on tv. Now it's time to put that to good use.

Those people I talked to were always so paranoid about saving our online conversations and I thought that was kind of odd. I mean what was the big deal. Now I understand why. Proof....... So I couldn't ever have any back up proof to what they are doing. I lied to them I told them I never saved any conversations ... when I really did. Tons of emails and instant messenger names , Names , dates , times addresses... I'm going to bust my ass working as hard as I can to find out if these people are for real. Someday I will know so that I can get the closure I deserve.

If it's not real. I truly feel sorry for them because what they are doing is illegal and is against the law. 100% Defamation of character is exactly what it's called.


And if it happens to be real... Well , all I know what to say is I guess it will teach me another important lesson in life. You can care about someone and even love them with your whole heart ... but sometimes you can have too much faith in somebody. Wouldn't the world be a more beautiful place if we could all have that much faith put in others ?? But it doesn't work that way I guess. You have to be very careful sometimes who you let yourself believe so much in. Because nothing hurts more than having so much faith in a person when they don't deserve it.
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! -- Rocky Balboa

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JonsDragonEyes
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Postby JonsDragonEyes » Tue Jul 07, 2015 7:04 pm

I guess I've learned something from everything that's happened to me.

And that is .... it's okay if I die all alone. It took me so long to finally realize that. All my life all I've ever dreamed is to find what it feels like for a REAL friend to wrap their arms around me. Just to get to know what that feels like before I die. But I'm learning to deal with the fact I may never get to find that out... but I'm teaching myself to spend whatever time I have left by making things as positive and beautiful as possible.

It's insane how some people are lucky enough to live to be a hundred years old .... and some only live for a very short while. Sickness, accidents , etc. It's not fair we're each only given one life. And it's also not fair to have that one life sometimes taken way too soon.

God I hate being so alone.... I can't stand it. But I can't let the hurt from that have so much control over my life. I let it get so much control over me that I forgot to even freaking learn how to live and keep trying to survive. Tomorrow is never promised but it's what you leave behind you that matters.

I want to help people even if it comes in the form of helping strangers. I want to keep rescuing homeless and abandoned animals like Casper. I want to save his life. I want to teach him what love is. I'd really like to take a bunch of pictures with my camera and make some kind of online website from them. Pictures of life that help others see how beautiful life is and hopefully find the strength and reason to hold on.

And when something happens to me it will be okay. I'll have all my pictures that I've left behind. Maybe someday someone will come along and see a picture of a sunrise or a rainbow or the moon that I took and it will keep them hanging on. Maybe I can save Casper's life so that I can leave him knowing the feeling of love from a human beings touch. Something he has spent his entire life never even knowing it exists.

I remember that kitten that I helped the mother cat take it's first breath of life in the world.... and that's something isn't it ?

I looked the mirror this morning at my face. It sure isn't the same as it used to be. There's dark circles under my eyes that never seem to go away. But it's gonna be okay

Because even thought they probably wont ever go away I'm going to make myself too busy with living to even see them. Busy making the life I have leave behind me as beautiful as possible.

For myself and for everything around me.

STAR
Last edited by JonsDragonEyes on Sun May 01, 2016 11:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! -- Rocky Balboa

porcupine
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Postby porcupine » Tue Jul 07, 2015 7:22 pm

That's a good attitude to have. The only problem I have with dying alone, is what's going to happen to my animals? Will I be rotting in the house, while they starve. I'm going to try to look into automatic feeders. I think I've heard of them. I think people use them when they go on holiday.

My brother hasn't contacted us in 2 days. He's done this before. He doesn't give a shit. I try to make the best of life as well. If I can, I will try to look after my animals in spirit if I die. I don't know if this is possible. I hope it is.

I hope that I only have one life. It's more than enough for me. I hope I don't get reincarnated. I don't want to be born into this world again. I don't mind visiting this planet sometimes in spirit form, to check up on things. But that's all. I don't want to be part of the physical world. I feel like a trapped soul. Your doing a good thing in life and wish you the best.

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JonsDragonEyes
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Postby JonsDragonEyes » Tue Jul 07, 2015 7:48 pm

God Porcupine I know how exactly you feel.

As for the part about your brother I understand that too. It reminds me of the situation I was in with those people. IF it was really him I was talking to then I look at it as a him teaching me a lesson in life. Granted it was a painful as freaking hell lesson and I don't like the fact that someone I cared so much about had to be the one that taught me such a painful lesson... yet it WAS a lesson. Good or bad lessons in life come in many forms.

You can either fall on your face and die or get up and keep living. You don't have any other option.

People are going to give up on you in your life. But we have to never forget we always have ourselves... the one person you can always count on to never give up on is YOURself.

But hey look at it this way. Your brother hurt you....... those people whoever they really are hurt me and somehow me and you both made it to find this website ... and we found each other....and we both know that others are hurting just like us. So if we keep that in mind are we really all alone ? Nope , .... well not entirely anyway.

Surviving though is something we all have to learn how to do on our own. Once your dead you got nothing but as long as your alive you got something. Might not feel like much but it's something.

At least that's what I keep telling myself.

You seem like such an amazing person. Everything in my heart is wishing you the very best in life and I hope it all comes to you. You deserve it. Every bit of beautiful life to come your way. I hope someday you look back and all the hell you've been through is only a far , far away memory.
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! -- Rocky Balboa

porcupine
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Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 4:47 pm

Postby porcupine » Tue Jul 07, 2015 8:05 pm

Yes, I hope all of us here can find happiness. I'm not sure if we have nothing after death. There may be an afterlife. If so, I hope it's better than this one. It's not so bad if there is just non-existence though. It would just be like being asleep with no dreams.

My brother says he feels guilty about his behaviour, but unfortunately his conscience doesn't override his selfishness. As is often the case with people who say they feel guilty. If someone has a conscience, why don't they act on it?

The lesson I keep learning is go my own way and don't rely on anyone. It's a harsh lesson but I hope some good can come from this. For all he knows I could be dead now and the animals starving. I've said to him about my concerns and he said he would check in on us. He hasn't. It's horrific when I think about it. Fine, if he's fallen for someone , but what about us?

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JonsDragonEyes
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Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2014 1:49 am

Postby JonsDragonEyes » Tue Jul 07, 2015 8:37 pm

Yeah, saying something and actually doing something are two different things. lol

I remember all of the time that guy would tell me over and over how much he changed. " I'm a changed man Star !!! " he would say,,,, And also that he really wanted to be my friend. And every single time he said it I would take it to heart and believe him 100% ... Yet when I needed him I would be the very last person on his list. And when I got upset about it he would always get irritated with me............. The sad thing is he never realized how he treated me that way... Or maybe he did and he just didn't care. Who knows.

But as of today I'm my OWN friend. My own best friend. I don't need him. Not anymore.

I hope you find happiness soon. Tonight I'm wishing that with all my heart. You are simply amazing Porcupine and don't you ever forget it.
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! -- Rocky Balboa


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