Who am I now?

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Brook
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Jun 14, 2008 10:41 pm

Who am I now?

Postby Brook » Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:14 pm

My mother named me Brook because it's a Shakespearean verb meaning "to endure or to tolerate". The jokes on us because most people never know the true meaning. I began self injury when I was eight. I was in my early twenties before I knew that anyone did that type of thing. It was a secret I kept for over fifteen years. I was molested when I was eight which started a spiral of weight gain that I have struggled with my whole life.

My parents cared about me and my brother but they were so involved in their own issues. We were upper middle class and my father was a youth minister when we discovered that he had had several affairs. My mother collapsed and then soon after, my father fell as well. They divorced after thirty years of marriage. I lived in a home where I took care of my brother and wasn't allowed to let the outside know what hell we went through on the inside. My parents were violent volatile, using guns and burning things. My parents continually tried to commit suicide. I have never been so on the edge of a breakdown as I was during my early twenties. My father eventually had to enter a mental hospital where I had him transferred to a rehab facility. He lives on his own now and does very well except for a few dramatic moments from time to time. My mother is still a successful hospital administrator but our relationship will never be what it should be.

My brother was always my best friend but he struggles with addiction, specifically heroin. It's terrifying. He has destroyed us all to a certain point. He is now living on the streets in Georgia. That terrifies and kills me.

Then there's me. It's hard to talk about myself and what I go through. I feel so stuck and restricted by my own mind. I recently ended a relationship with the man I thought I would spend my life with. I'm devastated. I don't know how to handle it and on any given day, I consider giving it all up. But I'm working toward something better. Like I said, I am working on things. If you would like to know more, you'll probably have to ask me specifically because like I said, I do have trouble talking about myself. It makes me feel so very guilty. I live alone now and work full time and go to school full time.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this room and for each one of you. I only hope I can support you as you have supported me.

Brook

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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
Posts: 29195
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Wed Jun 25, 2008 6:42 pm

(((((((((((( Brook ))))))))))))))

Thank you for sharing. Have thought to do this on myself. No nerve!!

Glad you are about and hope to read more from you.

Warmie/Jeanie 8)

Emotional_77
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:21 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Postby Emotional_77 » Thu Jun 26, 2008 1:08 pm

Hey it doubled :S hmmm I replied to this one earlier in another section.

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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
Posts: 29195
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Sat Jul 12, 2008 3:42 pm

((((((((((((((((( Brook ))))))))))))))))

Read your post again, just felt the need to send a hug.

Warmie/Jeanie 8)

rlemay
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:56 pm

Postby rlemay » Mon Jul 21, 2008 6:02 pm

Brook when I read your story I thought what a strong person you are. You may not see yourself that way but I do.

Best of luck to you with everything you do. Thanks for sharing such personal and painful issues. Reading your story has lifted me today.

RL


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