There is definitely something wrong with me. I can admit that. What is hard though, is trying to find someone to talk to about it. I have read many of your post's and realize that my problems don't compare to anybody elses, mine aren't as traumatic, and that in itself leaves me feeling bad. Feeling ashamed of even having issues...mine should be relatively easy to handle, shouldn't they? For years, I have tried to talk to my mother about things, only for her to say "I don't have time to hear this...I have too many things happening". I've always been available for everyone to call and cry to. I've never turned my back on someone in need. But the few times I've needed help, nobody was there. I've even been called a drama queen, and accused of holding onto the past and refusing to move forward. But I was under the impression, that in order to move forward you must first work through the initial problem. And if I've never actually dealt with the problem, then aren't I sort of still stuck in it? If you were outside looking in on my life, you would probably say I have it made. I have everything anybody could ever want. A couple of great kids, a home, nice cars, pets, a devoted husband and I don't have to work outside of the home because my husbands income is great. You might wonder why I'm so sad all of the time. I wonder that too at times. And alot of the time I am unhappy and can't figure out why. Other times I get so anxious that I feel as if I need to run away from it all. A few times I even fantasized about leaving my whole family and disappearing. Nobody understands me. When someone hurts my feelings, I tell them. I am always concerned with how other people feel, yet it is all of those people who continuously tell me to change. I'm too emotional, or I'm too analitical. Nobody seems to be happy with who I am. I am expected to change everything about me, but nobody else will make an effort to either change themselves or even help me to figure out how to change. They always just tell me they don't have time, or don't understand, or simply I need counseling. Yes I need counseling. But would it really kill them to take some time and hear me for once? My mother recently went through hell...her best friend accidentally shot and killed her boyfriend, who also happened to be my father's baby brother. My mom turned to me to talk to...I kept it secret for her, she wasn't supposed to communicate with this woman anymore...but she did. She goes to see her. She writes to her. She sends the jail money for her. And it's all my secret. She confides to me about all of it; but when I need her help...her ear...she is deaf. I resent my husband sometimes, for what I dont know...and one day I was trying to talk to my mother about it and all she could say was that I was acting like a spoiled brat. Nothing supportive. Everytime anything stressful has happened in my life, she jumps to the conclusion that I created the problem without first hearing the whole story. I hate this. Almost all of my family reacts just like she does. What do I do? I want to run away.
