This is me.

[Andrew]

My life now is full of grief more so than depression, and though that might be little more than semantics to some it is a big difference to me. Depression was hard enough but I did beat it and was able to cope with my life in spite of it until this last disaster rained down on me. Now I need all the skills I learned to beat the depression and more just to get from one day to the next. I don't know how they can even be enough, I guess they aren't though coz I can't say I'm coping all that well.

Anyway, I did write about my first adult experience of depression and how I got through it without meds so if anyone is interested it's here:

http://www.tester.depressionsupport4all ... story.html

Andrew.

[shmuel]

hello Andrew,
thank you for sharing your story with me(us). I say me because as I read your story it was as if you were sitting next to me and we were having a conversation... you made me feel that I should have been there to support you. (thats not negative for me)
Just shows how eloquently you captured your feelings in words.What is the grief that is haunting you now?
Has it anything to do with what you said about "...I feel for every being that cries out in pain..."
I hope we meet each other in the chat and lose a few or maybe lots of words about our lives and experiences.
I`ll definitely be re-reading your book..

[Andrew]

Thanks for the feedback shmuel and I'm glad you got something out of the story. Two things I aimed for with it was to write it so that others could relate if there was anything to relate to and the second was to keep it short. I remember picking up huge novels about depression while I was depressed and never even starting them coz I knew I wouldn't last the distance and read the whole thing.

I still feel for 'every being', that has been my constant battle, even with the physical depression concquered. If that sounds like it doesn't make sense, the difference is that once I had healed myself I could enjoy life when it was there to enjoy. My children for example gave me endless joy that for the first few years of their lives was denied me. Before the healing there was always that darkness inside me and the depression hanging around at the back of my mind. I could laugh but it was never laughing with my whole being as it became later.

My current grief is worse again. My second ex wife decided a few months back that I wasn't a good parent and stole my children from me. They are her possessions now and I have nothing to do with them at all, at her whim. So my 3 and 5 year old children are gone from my life and there is nothing I can do about it except wait for her to come to her senses. That worked last time when she first left me and took them both with her. There is no sign she's going to change her mind this time.

In the chatroom I'm Fonty the nick Andrew was taken when I first went in there. I like being in there when I am feeling like talking at all, but that those times are pretty few and far between lately.

Andrew.