Hello, I am new to this forum and have looked around at some of the other threads and decided to give it a try and post my problem. Here are some basic facts about me:
17 years old
Lives in the US
My parents are divorced and I have a stepmom "Samantha" .
I have 1 younger brother "Nathan" (13) and 1 younger half-brother "Fred" (7) (Note that all names used are fake and are simply placeholders)
I've been told by many teachers that I am smart, funny, and a good student. I'm very lucky to have the advantages that I do. Despite these, my brother and I feel extremely anxious whenever we are at my stepmom's place and are very frustrated with the situation and would appreciate any advice given to help the situation.
I can't do much without feeling judged. I am critisized for seemingly random things like the slight midplacement of various items in the dishwasher that have no impact on the quality of the wash cycle and I asked my dad for help and he agrees with me that he doesn't see a pattern nor knows how to help.
I feel like she doesn't love me or my brother, only her true son. I try my best to impress her and appreciate and respect her but no matter how hard I try she still calls me things like this regularly-
"Jerk", "Rude", "Disrespectful", "Snarky"(Somewhat true because it reflects in my sense of humor but this happens even when I reply a very serious answer). This is even worse for my brother where she has stated very recently "My day was doing fine until F***monster came along." clearly implying that Nathan ruined her entire day. This comment was triggered after my brother was complaining to me(not my stepmom's conversation) about an issue contained in this article and swore(shouldn't have swore but that doesn't excuse her comment).
The amount of negative feedback we get from Samantha is huge and mostly unsupportive. None of these issues occur at mom's house or when only Dad is home. I have talked with my dad about the issue and he agrees with me most of the time so it isn't just me. Samantha "helicopter parents" her son Fred and watches him way too closely.
In addition, Fred is a spoiled bully. Fred's behavior in school and at home is inappropiate and Samantha doesn't seem to realise. Her common excuse for his behavior is that he is only 7 and that I should not be judging her parenting style because I am not a parent. While I agree that I am not a parent and shouldn't be judging, I only express concern for the well-being of Fred and his future. Fred is barely punished for things that seem like more punishable offenses. Just the other day, he actually kicked a person at school not once but TWICE. For this, he recieved only 2 days of no priveleges. Fred will also threaten anyone else by throwing something at them or by hitting them to get what he wants. He has hit/thrown many things before at me and Nathan and is only very promptly punished for his misdoing and is then excused from all further punishment.
It has happened multiple times now where I am almost "counseling" my brother Nathan about the situation and he would actually start crying and threaten to remove his custody from Samantha and live with Mom full time. What should I do? Am I just crazy? How can I support Nathan? I ask this forum to hopefully gather some advice on whether this is "good" or "bad" parenting and the possible solutions that are at hand. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I greatly appreciate it. :).
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