29 September 2011
I feel so much anger and hostility, consuming me, out of control. I'm afraid of all my emotions, especially my anger, destructive. When I'm angy I can feel in every part of my body. I've been with a guy for three years and just realized how bad he's treated me. Sometimes I'm sad and than other times I feel angry. Sometimes I wish that he could feel like I feel. Sometimes I'm so angry that I feel I hate him. Most my anger is at myself for putting up with his cheating, lying, bulling, abusive behavior. I always hook up with guys that are the same. Non caring, disrespecting, using, cheating, abusive men. I feel like somethings wrong with me because I've been working on my issues and why I choose the people in my life for years and here I am in another relationship where someones repeatedly hurting me. Still putting up with it. I don't understand. I'll do anything for this guy and he treats me horribly plus he's cheating. Why am I doing this? Why am I putting up with this? I honestly feel stupid and worthless.