01/15/12

Permalink 11:39:56 am, Categories: General, 310 words

I put it all together last night. I new at Thanksgiving that the new baby was coming. I had the thought. Even though I don't trust them or beleive them, I just new. Now I understand. The baby is going to be here to take my place. It's not about who's energy or Soul is coming as some people think. The baby is here for me to leave. The baby is going to be in June. I don't have to wait to retire or get sick or stuggle any longer. All I have to do is make it to June. I can do that. After that I get to leave. It has made a difference knowing that today. I'll do what I have to do till then. They will be upset and after they will have the new baby to console them. It will a boy. They will take refuge with him. What a great gift! I don't have to stay in Mexico. I can leave on Wednesday and I don't have to stay the extra day in LA. either. I can come back on Wednesday. I made those promises to myself. I don't have to do something I don't want to to make someone elses plans work for them. I can do what I'm comfortable with and they will just have to get over it. I'm not asking anyone to change there plans, they can do whatever they want. There adults. My pain will end soon. And, yes I understand all that stuff about creating Hell and Heaven in our lifes. I just can't get through the Hopelessness of it all. I feel ripped off and I'll never get any of it back. I feel like I'm chasing my tail and will never catch it. The Meds. help with the Depression and help me carry on. Just till June!

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Their My Thoughts, I Made Them

Yes, there just thoughts! Some are irrational(most really). Yes, the thought provokes a feeling. Yes, the feeling provokes a reaction. Change the thought, changes the feeling, changes the reaction! How Simple! Be the "Watcher" of your thoughts. Let them move through your mind. Some say like "puffy white clouds in the Blue sky." Well, what if Self-help books and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy don't cut the mustard? What's left? Hope, Faith..........? It all has to come up and out some how, some way. Even when moving forward goes down and across it's still movement. I have to find my voice somehow.

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