05/18/11

Permalink 06:01:09 am, Categories: General, 319 words

I had my mouth done the other day. It went well and have to wait 4 months before I can get the crown part that will have 2 teeth. I'll look normal again. It's been a long process. Expensive too. I got a lot of pain pills and have been taking them just for fun as I don't need them for pain. I love getting high of them and it's a real treat that I don't get to often. Some things never change. A druggie is always a druggie. It's been nice to be home and able to be in my own world. I have to go back to work tomorrow, yuk. If my Fantasy world was real I'd not have to. I still am not comfortable telling the Head Doc. about my Fantasy world even if it's not really bad. It's quite normal and I've had the same house and man for awhile now. Usually I change men and houses. But this time The house is perfect and so is the man! He is so attractive and HOT! He's from a TV program, i won't mention it. I know it's all in my head and isn't true. The house is really good, I did a good job designing it. I know, it's not real life and I'm cheating myself out of the possibility that I could have a healthy relationship and have fun in life. It helps to me on Meds. as the Depression is lower. I guess I don't feel much, although I didn't feel much before except Anger, Depression, and it's associated feelings. Is it better to be a little numb? I just want my Fantasy to be partly real and I don't have to be rich or anything else. I just want somebody to be with and do things with that we both like. will it ever happen? It won't if I just sit around and dream.

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Their My Thoughts, I Made Them

Yes, there just thoughts! Some are irrational(most really). Yes, the thought provokes a feeling. Yes, the feeling provokes a reaction. Change the thought, changes the feeling, changes the reaction! How Simple! Be the "Watcher" of your thoughts. Let them move through your mind. Some say like "puffy white clouds in the Blue sky." Well, what if Self-help books and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy don't cut the mustard? What's left? Hope, Faith..........? It all has to come up and out some how, some way. Even when moving forward goes down and across it's still movement. I have to find my voice somehow.

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