Permalink 08:37:39 am, Categories: General, 416 words

The Rubber underlayment went in yesterday. They did trim a bit of it and the felt to make the carpet tac down. I just think I would have liked it better if they didn't do that. But understand regardless. You can't tell anything was done. They trimmed a couple of doors and only a little paint damage on the closet doors. So.....The TV from downstairs came on. I can still hear it however, it did make a difference. I asked for at least 50% and well with the TV it's more than that. I won't get away not hearing her. I don't know how the Rubber will do with the other noises. I also feel better that I have some separation for me. At this point I need to just move in, make it mine, and just let go. Learn to not look for her noise. I'm so tired...Part if me is disappointed but, I knew that was coming and I'm Afraid of it. My Thoughts are in full swing. I could of said something about how I wanted it in that corner where her TV is. Maybe it was not the right product. Yada, Yada, Yada. I will work it out in my head. However, I was "Hoping" that it would just block downstairs noise. Of course it does make a difference, how could it not? Anyway, it's all done. I can unpack and I can make if "home" as I'm not moving. The window covering is next. That should be the last of the big ticket items and after that I'll have spent tons of money. i've learned a lot and not that I'll do it again, I would have spent less if I could do it over with what I know. I'm just unsettled today. I'm just being Simonhenry.

My Realtor sent me a e-mail the a 2 bed, 2 bath in the complex sold for $170. i'm a bathroom short, but it's nice to see that the money I'm spending would come back. Again, I'm not moving. The other thing is that the carpet guy that went with me to pick up the rubber and came the next day was just HOT. Of course that means little, but it was a nice perk...Just had to say that. My big girl Citty did real well, I drugged her. She's a little out of it today. I did get poopoos and a little peepee and she eat a little. She'll be fine. Tired Tired Tired.


Permalink 09:36:06 am, Categories: General, 363 words

So this Rubber underlayment saga continues. I've learned so much. I have to get a new bill of lading as my name isn't even on the paperwork. I changed installers and I can't change anything with out new paperwork. I spoke with the sales guy this morning and he'll get it all done in the morning as the shipping dept. is closed for the holiday. There will be enough time and I'll be able to release the rubber to my installer tomorrow but i'll have to go down there to do it. It came in close enough to me to make it easier. Wednesday...this part should all be done. The other concern is will it even help. Downstairs has been loud enough to drive me crazy. Is it that she needs to TV to be that loud or am I too noisy myself? Or..am I just to sensitive at this point as it's been yrs. now that I've been listening to neighbors? I think I said before that I'm just going to look for 50% reduction. Anyway.....I have a lot of the apt. taken apart and will do the computer and some of my bedroom tomorrow. I'm so tired of all this and I need to be able to live here. I'm screaming at this point, you just can't hear it through the computer. I need a home, I need to know that I can come home and be comfortable! I can't have the stress of not being able to come home and have some kind of comfort. How loud will it be? Will it be loud? The Fear of being Fearful. I keep up following through with my Fix It game and I'm not sure what i'll do if this doesn't work. I need to unpack. I know I'll have to go down stairs and talk to her. I did once and it's just getting louder. Anyway, enough of that. I'm just on hold....So for the moment I won't just repeat myself about the Men and Houses and Fantasies and such. I'll just let you know after the Rubber is here and I put my computer and stuff together.


Permalink 11:48:50 am, Categories: General, 197 words

I'm home all day today. Pizza and movies. Houses and Men. Don't care. Rubber not here yet which is OK as it won't be installed for another week and after 48 Hrs. I get charged storage fees. The best news is that I don't have to do Jury duty as I was Excused yesterday. Funny thing is that I was let go because I said I would be missing Vacation in question #81. Who thought that as I had all sorts of other thoughts about how to get out. It was freaky there in the court room. Now I have no restrictions about talking about the case, but won't here because I don't know where I am...Anyway. I'm just glad to be done with that. I also have an expectation about how much noise the rubber will get rid of. She is just loud. I am trying to look at 50% so I won't be upset. I can't see that it won't do at least that. I don't want to have Hope as I will unhappy if it doesn't help. The truth is that it's 1/4 inch Rubber and has to do something (?). Food and Fantasy. Have a nice day..


Permalink 05:32:39 pm, Categories: General, 293 words

Well at this point I need to not say stuff, not because of what it is about, just that it is and I don't say anything here that will put me anywhere. So, i'm in a position that I find interesting. I've looked at the reasons why not. But today after a couple of beers ( I don't have to work and I'm on a vacation till a week from Saturday, yea!) I looked at the reasons why ! I'm Alone and have nothing in my life. A little distraction would be nice, something to focus on and process would be nice. But.....there is so much that just is not me. I see the healthy and the unhealthy about it in my head. I will try to end it, but will have to move with it anyway.

The Rubber underlayment is coming on the 15th. I'm not sure I said that. I am looking for 50% cut in her noise. If this doesn't happen, I'm not sure in real time what I'll do about it. I will have used way to much money and what would I install? I like it here and I really want to make it "home". If I can't do that......Seriously, it has to do something.

And of course, I really would like to feel a man close to me. OK, I've said enough. I have a great idea for a house and well I guess I have a man to use with it. It's funny how I float from one person to another. I've found that I'm attracted to men I wasn't before. I understand the reasons behind that. It's funny....I'll keep you posted somewhat...Werid, I have to protect Myself here, I've never had to do that......


Permalink 06:47:32 am, Categories: General, 382 words

I'm sure I should not say here anything about the Jury thing. I've been called back for the private interview after taking the questionnaire. I answered the q's all wrong and now I move on the second round. I don't want anything to do with it. I'm just pissed about it. I will try to answer the next q's correctly as to be excused. Just F&^%ed!

I did ask that Guy from the other agency out like I said I was, yea Simonhenry for following through, he backed up at least 8 ft. when I told him I was Gay. I could see him close up. I felt bad if I hurt him. I'm glad I did it anyway and I won't see him anymore. Nice guy just the same, told him he could call even if just to talk about that Life stuff. He won't that's fine. I followed through with what I said I was going to do.

I'm really pissed about things. I haven't heard yet of the shipping date for the Rubber, I'll call tomorrow. Having problems finding someone to cut the doors down. I called five people and non have called back. I spoke with the one the installer gave me and we have played telephone tag. I don't know if I'll hear from him or not. Anyway, it will all be done at some point and I know it will work for me. I'm tired from all this at this point. It's been a year since I first started this "fix it" thing. I tell myself to just keep pushing forward. I've spent so much money "learning" how to do all this. The painting will be damaged, the flooring I paid dearly for is just a waste. It was a lot of money, gone. Now I'm throwing more at it. Then there are the window coverings. I just tell myself to just do what I want and buy the new car anyway and I'll still have some money left. I can pay some of this with the extra money in overtime from work as I'm not taking a lot of extra time off. Anyway, I have to get ready for work. I just want this jury, home thing to go away. Have a nice day......

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Their My Thoughts, I Made Them

Yes, there just thoughts! Some are irrational(most really). Yes, the thought provokes a feeling. Yes, the feeling provokes a reaction. Change the thought, changes the feeling, changes the reaction! How Simple! Be the "Watcher" of your thoughts. Let them move through your mind. Some say like "puffy white clouds in the Blue sky." Well, what if Self-help books and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy don't cut the mustard? What's left? Hope, Faith..........? It all has to come up and out some how, some way. Even when moving forward goes down and across it's still movement. I have to find my voice somehow.

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