04/22/14

Permalink 07:24:44 am, Categories: General, 224 words

I have a appointment with the new dentist today. I'll see how that goes. However, after that i'm free of doing till Yoga on Thursday. and then I'm done until I have to deal with my friend on Friday. I'll go to my Great Nephew's track event on Saturday. Then I just work 4 days. There has not been any properties on the market for me to look at. I have to finish my loan paper stuff and have to get a hold of my nephew to help me with his letter as he is on my account i'm using for funds. Also, he can take a picture of my dr. lic. to send on his iphone. I need to find some good food as I'm tired of eating the same thing I always eat. The water will be turned off and on and off the next couple of days. It also hasn't been real loud either. I'm getting alittle hyper about the situation, I'm keeping in mind that there is no rush to find a place and that we're doing all that we need to be ready. It's going to be good in the end and I can live where I want and in a place I can call home for the first time in my life. i'll check in with you later, thanks....

04/20/14

Permalink 05:46:37 pm, Categories: General, 298 words

I have the next 6 days off from work. I didn't think it would work out this way. I've had some shots and beers, yea! I'm so sick. Conversations in my head, bad dreams of Realtors,which I've mentioned. Thoughts of some condo that was sold that would be a good fit. Just a waste of time in my head. I'm really falling apart. What do I do about winter when I don't have the equipment that I need? Plus, add in a mortgage! OMG. I'm tired and I don't feel well. My 13 yr. old is acting up for as much as we have come to a understanding, he is still 13. My Fantasy is pulling that situation in. I'll do what ever he wants. It's a little pedifile thing going on. I would have done anything for him, I've said that before. I needed him...It most likely would have not been what I needed as he would have not cared about me anyway, better nothing happened...I won't know for sure. I needed help....

He still needs help even though we have a arrangement about it all at this point in our life. He knows that it's to late for him in that way. I'm not willing to just have sex just to hope that he gets what he needs as 'we' won't get what we need anyway. So, here I am, drinking, 59 and really being 13. I'm home, alone, drinking, Fantasying being mentally ill. Sick...Still, nobody to help me or him....I don't have the courage to kill myself, I've talked about that....I welcome the Cancer...But, it won't happen because there is no easy way out. You suffer in life till you go out Fu&^%^! That's what's true...I believe in something after all!

04/18/14

Permalink 10:24:17 am, Categories: General, 596 words

I'm home today. There are no listings for me to see. Non in my areas, non that I could consider. Nada...I'll call my Realtor today to just say "hey". I have to just go with how it is. So far in this process, it has all happened when it has happened. I still have 4 months on my lease and even then, I just stay here month to month even if the rent goes up. I just have so much Fear about all this unknown. It's hard to maintain the adult part with Fear. I have to only work 3 days maybe less as I'm in a non guarantee position. I'll just have to wait and see when I get off work on Saturday about Sunday and the same for Monday. But, I'm off Tuesday and Wednesday. And, the following Saturday. Where I have only to work 4 days. It will work out some how. I'm just not going to make the same mistakes and I'll hold out for the right place. I will be comfortable and I'll be able to breath and be alone and relax. I'll have my music and I won't have to listen to my neighbors. I'll use acoustic foam or whatever I need to use. I'll find away to use it and hang my art work. What ever it takes to make it work. I think it will all work out with the money. I read in the Consumers Reports Mag. about the GTI. It doesn't rate well through the years. So, I think it will be a Subaru Impressa or the Masda3 both wagons. It will be cheaper and I guess it will be OK. It all will just take time. It will all happen before the end of the year, maybe not the car but I'll be home. i'm of course really horny and I have my Fantasy to live. I would rather have Cancer and die, but at least the horrible Depression is lifted a little. I'm just glad to not be living at that awful 'townhome'. This place is not a good place, but I make enough money to not to have to live like this. I forgot what it's like to be living like this. I'm glad I have the choice. Anyway, I have to take the trash out and wash the sheets and run the dishwasher. I'm just afraid to call the Realtor. I made such a Fool out of myself last week with that condo and the offer. I said to much. Yes, they are just my thoughts and not how she might feel. I'm just the weird client she can laugh about later. I just want to hide as usual in these situations. Maybe I'll just wait till tomorrow to call her. I just want to hide here at home and do Fantasy and Food and TV. I'm glad I have a little money, it makes me feel better to know there is something. I'm not rich, it just helps me to have something in case. I know I'll be comfortable and although I don't see beyond 72 or 75 yrs. old, I think I'll be good longer if I have to. I just don't want to be any longer. I'll do what i have to too get out. Thank you. He has a hairy chest this time and well if I might say, he's uncut as there is a picture of him with no cloths on. Sometimes they get there picture taken without knowing. It's fun. Not perfect, but good for the Fantasy of the day......

04/16/14

Permalink 06:29:55 pm, Categories: General, 193 words

I worked all 5 days this week. I've had a couple of shots, 3 really and 1 beer. I've stretched and showered. I'm tired...not sure how to deal with it without being "healthy". Yeah, like that is going to happen. I'm just in need of having a home I can call my home. I'm looking, but there is nothing for sale that fits even my basic criteria. Seriously? I've complained about the neighbors and it did quiet down, but has picked up again. It's not where I need to complain, yet. I'm not sure that I'm the only one who says something. Never mind, that is not what I'm writing about. I'm very unhappy about. I just turn my TV up....Anyway, I'm really sorry that I'm so Fearful that I'm not going to allow myself to go out and see if I can meet someone that I could be with on some level. I'm real lonely and very in need of some physical contact, not just sexual. Maybe it will be better when I move into my somecalled home. I'm drunk enough that i'm not able to type well. I'll connect with you later....

04/11/14

Permalink 09:01:06 am, Categories: General, 299 words

I had called in sick as I mentioned last entry. I had made a nice dinner, was just going to sit down when the boom-boom started from what I thought was next door. This has been going on for a couple of weeks. I thought I had to just tolerate it as it's just a dumpy Apt. I was so stressed as before at the townhome. Even though it was 11am. I called the manager. As it turned out it was from the floor below and one Apt. down. It was calmer yesterday. At least I said something and we'll see how it goes. There has not been much coming on the market. I'll see a place on Sunday, yet I know I won't buy it as it won't have the lay out for the desk and TV. Plus it's on a busy street that I have experienced from the building next door that I looked at. But it's a top floor corner, Southwest facing. 2/2 with storage. By the pictures, it only has 1 connecting wall with another unit on that floor. The other is the stair well which is also a concern as it's a bedroom like the other wall. Which I think is a connection to the next unit's dining room. I just need to see it. Anyway...I met with the Loan guy yesterday and it will be something to walk through to buy this next place. After talking to him, I'm just going to take the whole $100,000 loan amount. I will be comfortable now and I do want a new car. I'm just Simonhenry and I don't care anymore what would be the best by what I think that others think. I'll see....I'm just glad I get to do this right this time for me.....

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Their My Thoughts, I Made Them

Yes, there just thoughts! Some are irrational(most really). Yes, the thought provokes a feeling. Yes, the feeling provokes a reaction. Change the thought, changes the feeling, changes the reaction! How Simple! Be the "Watcher" of your thoughts. Let them move through your mind. Some say like "puffy white clouds in the Blue sky." Well, what if Self-help books and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy don't cut the mustard? What's left? Hope, Faith..........? It all has to come up and out some how, some way. Even when moving forward goes down and across it's still movement. I have to find my voice somehow.

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