Archives for: February 2012, 19

02/19/12

Permalink 06:25:49 pm, Categories: General, 371 words

Hi, I have some drinks. I thought I would have to work 7 days in a row to change my days off. I was lucky to have had tommorrow off. So, it's just 6 days in a row. I am lost in my thoughts and I know it. I go to sleep at night and my Fantasy takes control and I am swept away with the emotions that go along with my thoughts. I know how it works and understand it. I really want to have what I Fantaise about. But, I know that it's not possible. I just don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to type with this new computer key board either. I want to have something, Yet I don't feel that I can have it as I don't put any energy towards seeing it happen. How stupid I am to think my Fantasy when I know that it's not for real? I don't know. I like my days off so as I don't have to visit with people. No family and not others as I don't really look at the People I know as friends. Werid. I'm screwed I guess. I have these two vacations coming up and don't want to have either one happen. I am going to move someone, a friend? to Mexico and am werid about going to the bathroom and staying in a hotel room and such instead of looking at it as a road trip to Ca. and then flying to Mexico and having a little time to sit in the sun or sight see. Then there is the yearly trip to LA. that I could do without. I just see them as something I have to do istead of something fun and exciting. I just want to be home. I am so upset about where I live and how it's worked out the past 2 yrs. I should just give it up at this point. I just get handle listening to the people next door even when it's just bad construction instead of them just being noisey. I think I spelled that good. I'm so unhealthy about life at this point. I just want to have somebody, it won't happen...

Their My Thoughts, I Made Them

Yes, there just thoughts! Some are irrational(most really). Yes, the thought provokes a feeling. Yes, the feeling provokes a reaction. Change the thought, changes the feeling, changes the reaction! How Simple! Be the "Watcher" of your thoughts. Let them move through your mind. Some say like "puffy white clouds in the Blue sky." Well, what if Self-help books and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy don't cut the mustard? What's left? Hope, Faith..........? It all has to come up and out some how, some way. Even when moving forward goes down and across it's still movement. I have to find my voice somehow.

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