Permalink 10:24:17 am, Categories: General, 596 words

I'm home today. There are no listings for me to see. Non in my areas, non that I could consider. Nada...I'll call my Realtor today to just say "hey". I have to just go with how it is. So far in this process, it has all happened when it has happened. I still have 4 months on my lease and even then, I just stay here month to month even if the rent goes up. I just have so much Fear about all this unknown. It's hard to maintain the adult part with Fear. I have to only work 3 days maybe less as I'm in a non guarantee position. I'll just have to wait and see when I get off work on Saturday about Sunday and the same for Monday. But, I'm off Tuesday and Wednesday. And, the following Saturday. Where I have only to work 4 days. It will work out some how. I'm just not going to make the same mistakes and I'll hold out for the right place. I will be comfortable and I'll be able to breath and be alone and relax. I'll have my music and I won't have to listen to my neighbors. I'll use acoustic foam or whatever I need to use. I'll find away to use it and hang my art work. What ever it takes to make it work. I think it will all work out with the money. I read in the Consumers Reports Mag. about the GTI. It doesn't rate well through the years. So, I think it will be a Subaru Impressa or the Masda3 both wagons. It will be cheaper and I guess it will be OK. It all will just take time. It will all happen before the end of the year, maybe not the car but I'll be home. i'm of course really horny and I have my Fantasy to live. I would rather have Cancer and die, but at least the horrible Depression is lifted a little. I'm just glad to not be living at that awful 'townhome'. This place is not a good place, but I make enough money to not to have to live like this. I forgot what it's like to be living like this. I'm glad I have the choice. Anyway, I have to take the trash out and wash the sheets and run the dishwasher. I'm just afraid to call the Realtor. I made such a Fool out of myself last week with that condo and the offer. I said to much. Yes, they are just my thoughts and not how she might feel. I'm just the weird client she can laugh about later. I just want to hide as usual in these situations. Maybe I'll just wait till tomorrow to call her. I just want to hide here at home and do Fantasy and Food and TV. I'm glad I have a little money, it makes me feel better to know there is something. I'm not rich, it just helps me to have something in case. I know I'll be comfortable and although I don't see beyond 72 or 75 yrs. old, I think I'll be good longer if I have to. I just don't want to be any longer. I'll do what i have to too get out. Thank you. He has a hairy chest this time and well if I might say, he's uncut as there is a picture of him with no cloths on. Sometimes they get there picture taken without knowing. It's fun. Not perfect, but good for the Fantasy of the day......


Permalink 06:29:55 pm, Categories: General, 193 words

I worked all 5 days this week. I've had a couple of shots, 3 really and 1 beer. I've stretched and showered. I'm tired...not sure how to deal with it without being "healthy". Yeah, like that is going to happen. I'm just in need of having a home I can call my home. I'm looking, but there is nothing for sale that fits even my basic criteria. Seriously? I've complained about the neighbors and it did quiet down, but has picked up again. It's not where I need to complain, yet. I'm not sure that I'm the only one who says something. Never mind, that is not what I'm writing about. I'm very unhappy about. I just turn my TV up....Anyway, I'm really sorry that I'm so Fearful that I'm not going to allow myself to go out and see if I can meet someone that I could be with on some level. I'm real lonely and very in need of some physical contact, not just sexual. Maybe it will be better when I move into my somecalled home. I'm drunk enough that i'm not able to type well. I'll connect with you later....


Permalink 09:01:06 am, Categories: General, 299 words

I had called in sick as I mentioned last entry. I had made a nice dinner, was just going to sit down when the boom-boom started from what I thought was next door. This has been going on for a couple of weeks. I thought I had to just tolerate it as it's just a dumpy Apt. I was so stressed as before at the townhome. Even though it was 11am. I called the manager. As it turned out it was from the floor below and one Apt. down. It was calmer yesterday. At least I said something and we'll see how it goes. There has not been much coming on the market. I'll see a place on Sunday, yet I know I won't buy it as it won't have the lay out for the desk and TV. Plus it's on a busy street that I have experienced from the building next door that I looked at. But it's a top floor corner, Southwest facing. 2/2 with storage. By the pictures, it only has 1 connecting wall with another unit on that floor. The other is the stair well which is also a concern as it's a bedroom like the other wall. Which I think is a connection to the next unit's dining room. I just need to see it. Anyway...I met with the Loan guy yesterday and it will be something to walk through to buy this next place. After talking to him, I'm just going to take the whole $100,000 loan amount. I will be comfortable now and I do want a new car. I'm just Simonhenry and I don't care anymore what would be the best by what I think that others think. I'll see....I'm just glad I get to do this right this time for me.....


Permalink 06:40:34 am, Categories: General, 186 words

I called in sick today. I know that is not a good idea. I have been so stressed this past week and have not slept well. I am getting sick and I'm tired. It's OK however. I will just be home today and nap and such. I said to much to my Realtor. I just want a 1 bedroom, 1 bath top floor corner unit with some sun. I blurted that out. I'll still look at the 2/2's and move on. I just need to wait till the one comes on the market as we've exhausted the current market even though they sell real fast after I see them. I have 4 1/2 months left and I'm not going to panic about this. I will know that it will happen. I will do it correct, it won't be perfect, I will be comfortable now. I thought the big girl kitty was sick, she isn't and I think that i have nothing to worry about today. I have a busy next two days ahead, but I'll rest today. I'm not sure what else to say...I just don't feel good today...


Permalink 05:12:03 am, Categories: General, 92 words

So, I wake up and realize that the house with no back yard just might use the front as a play place, swing set and all. The other houses, well what about that basketball hoop? I had a long talk with my Realtor and I resended my offer. I also realized that I Scared of buy and that I'll make a mistake and end up in the same situation as the Townhome. I have the awareness now of the Fear and I'll know when the right one comes. Have a nice Sunday....

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Their My Thoughts, I Made Them

Yes, there just thoughts! Some are irrational(most really). Yes, the thought provokes a feeling. Yes, the feeling provokes a reaction. Change the thought, changes the feeling, changes the reaction! How Simple! Be the "Watcher" of your thoughts. Let them move through your mind. Some say like "puffy white clouds in the Blue sky." Well, what if Self-help books and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy don't cut the mustard? What's left? Hope, Faith..........? It all has to come up and out some how, some way. Even when moving forward goes down and across it's still movement. I have to find my voice somehow.

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