Their My Thoughts, I Made Them
It's nice to have the day off. It's been nice to just hang out and not have to do or deal with anything. I'll go back to work tomorrow and I'll have a short week. I can drum up the energy to start the buying part of my plan to be comfortable. I'm scared that I'll make another mistake. I actually looked at listings this morning. There were a few. It's OK as I'm not having to hurry at this point. There is a money concern as the HOA's I've seen are a lot! I'll need to keep the mortgage payments low to offset the HOA and Taxes. It will be good. I just needed to have a brake and this calling in sick has offered me one. I've been trying to have Fantasy and design a house. I just want to sit. It's OK as I have a sort a house. And a sort a Man. Anyway....
I woke up with a back ache and I'm so tired. I called in sick and put myself on the list which means I call in tomorrow to come back on Monday. i have 2 days off. My back does hurt and i'm so tired. I'll call my Nephew later and tell him my back is bad and won't be able to come over later today. I'm glad I can just chill. Nothing to worry about and no one to have to speak with. I can do the Fantasy thing and just hide. It's just so nice to have nothing to do. Thank you and have a nice day.
I like living here so far. I just feel relieved that I don't own that other place anymore. It is all done, I have all the money and when I get the energy to continue, I'll contact the Realtor and start the looking process to buy again. I do tell myself that I don't have to buy if I don't want too. I'm scared I'll make a mistake again. I'm just tired at this point and I know that buying is the better way. I did my taxes and because I didn't make as much, I'm getting a little more back. Not much, anything is good. I'll take some off the top to buy bonds for the kids. I'll do that now with just a touch of money I got from the condo. I had problems at work that came at the same time I moved here. I called the Union in on this one. I don't have problems like this and this one is a bit more trouble. As of Thursday it looks like it will just wash away as there is not much to work with in the picture. Can't explain as I don't say what I do. This is the first weekend that I've been able to relax and just do what I want to be comfortable, as that is all that matters. Yoga was cancelled yesterday as my teacher was ill. It's nice to just hang out. There is still stuff to do, It's almost time to take the snows off my car and other stuff. I've had problems with the on-line bank. If I don't speak with them on the phone and only bank on-line, there is no problem. They do the most unlikely things that don't make sense. It's a better interest rate and it's just easier to bank from my desk at home. I'll see what happens as time goes on. I had problems opening a CD on the phone, yet today I opened it online and I'll check back later to see if they will or won't keep it. If they do, it won't make sense based on what they say on the phone. I would like to be with someone of course, but I feel better that I'll be able to be comfortable and just be OK with how it is. I still just want to go, that is why I'm doing all this. I don't want to live past 75 and I'm not taking care of myself and won't as long as I can get away with it. Cancer would still be nice. I can Retire in 2017 as it will be enough money to get me by for the rest of my 10 or so yrs. I'm not doing the 'what ifs' and it feels better to just not have to worry about that stuff. I don't want to be alive much longer and I can be comfortable Now. I still have a nice Fantasy life and have nice Orgasms. I'll go as long as I can. I'm dealing with what I have to and will always pretend that all is Great. My Med. Doc. is the weirdest yet. He didn't fill the drugs, just sent them a note. Duh! There going to fill it that way. So a week later with 2 phone calls to him and 2 phone calls to the drug place, he calls me and tells me that controlled Meds. are only good for 6 months. Why did he make me do all that when he could of just sent in a new script when I was there? I'm good now till August, but still...Torture? After I Retire, I won't need the Lunesta anymore and the other meds. are easy to get. I also will do the other stuff. I'm glad I just realized that I don't have to do anything that I think I have to because others do it that way. I did see a posting at work about a 1 bed, 1 bath house in Surprise Ar. I thought that it would be nice to have that as I'd love to live in the desert, but it just doesn't fit for me anymore. I don't have to fight in my head about what is True for me in this Life. I have my Fantasy and I can be comfortable now. I can be in my house and not deal with anyone. So, for today there is nothing I have to worry about and I can draw houses and Dream......
Hi, How are you? I am fine. Still love to do that when I've had drinks! I like living here. I don't own it and so far, knock on wood, it's been except-ablely quiet. What, Quiet...what's that? Anyway, the Big Girl Kitty is or seems to adjusting as she was outside the bedroom when I came in today! Shocking! I'm in trouble at work and it will cost me. I'm OK/Not OK at the same time. I always take responsibility for the junk that happens at work. I may lie out in the world but not at work. This will suck....However, I will sleep at night in the situation. Enough with that. The Med. Doc. will help me with the LUnesta and the rest of it is a no brainier. I will be comfortable Now and I'm working on that happening. So, with this out of the way at work, I can just relax and let it be and find my place in my own world that is better. I'm very tired with all that has transpired and I'll deal with the stuff I need to deal with tomorrow. I really need to have a Man touch me and if I can get my camera and buck it up to redo my profile, well, It would be nice...I won't comment any further. I can, if I choose, to have a Man touch me. I will touch back....I've worked out the money and it's done with the other Condo I sold, I don't have a connection to it anymore. I'm done with it. I will learn how to put myself out there for Sex as it will be the only way I'll get touch. I won't be social in the "normal" way and don't have any pretense about that. I will be alone and I don't expect or do I want to live beyond 72 or worse 75 yrs. old. God forbid. I check the retirement website for me and I can leave in 2017 if I want. Yes. I'm done here. I'll write again soon as always.
My big Girl Kitty is not doing well with the move. Whether due to the different place or that there is not Boy Kat. She is just meowing all night. I thought it would be good to let her have access to my bedroom. But, after last night, she is on her own. I have to sleep for work tomorrow. I laid some towels down on the floor like it was for the Boy Kat at the other place. I hope in time she will adjust. I'm not able to do anything else for her. She's a good girl and although she piddled on the bathroom floor, she does use the box, that is in the bathroom. She is also eating. The closing on the old place happened yesterday and the keys are in the new peoples hands. I check my bank account yesterday and this morning and the money is not there yet. It won't be done for me until I see that money. I am not worried that it won't happen, just want it to be done. I didn't mention about my leaving the Boy Kat at the other place and that I didn't know how get him out. I'll have a couple of things the Realtor wrote about the him on the front door and not to let him out and at the top of the stairs about the towels on the floor. I'll frame them when I get settled in the 'forever home'. It will take him out of there. I'm glad to done with it and finally out of there. I like this temp. Apt. It's been mostly quiet, but i'm not holding on to that. I can hear the neighbors talk sometimes. It's a rental and I don't care. I worked out the bedroom so I'm not sleeping on a connecting wall and have a mattress up against the far wall. It's the bed from the second bedroom and I didn't want to get rid of it if I end up with another 2 bedroom. It's nice and small and it feels comforting because of it's size. There is not a lot of storage and I have stuff all over. I'm cleaning out the old papers from the desk as I put it together again. I'm just so tired from this whole process and I haven't had a good nights sleep yet. She is on her own....I don't want snow either...I could use a nice body to play with...what...did I say that? Have a nice day...
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Their My Thoughts, I Made Them
Yes, there just thoughts! Some are irrational(most really). Yes, the thought provokes a feeling. Yes, the feeling provokes a reaction. Change the thought, changes the feeling, changes the reaction! How Simple! Be the "Watcher" of your thoughts. Let them move through your mind. Some say like "puffy white clouds in the Blue sky." Well, what if Self-help books and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy don't cut the mustard? What's left? Hope, Faith..........? It all has to come up and out some how, some way. Even when moving forward goes down and across it's still movement. I have to find my voice somehow.
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