You know I can understand how you feel. I often r question who I am and whether I know what happy feels like of not.
And I totally agree rollercoasters are supposed to be fun, but this emotional journey is rough. I listen to people talk about how you don't have to feel depressed you can do things to I guess ignore or overcome it, but thinking positive. For me its not that easy.
On my 'bad days' routine is all I have and if it wasn't for me knowing exactly where to go to get from point A to point B. I'd be lost somewhere.
Hang in there. Its always someone on here who should understand. One day at a time and sometimes its minute by minute.

This is hard, but this is beautiful.