Category: General


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This is the first blog I've ever done, so we'll see how this goes. I have suffered from depression most of my life. Of course I didn't realize that's what was going on until the last few years. I am a young woman who hasn't had a real life EVER! I am fighting to learn who I am and what my purpose in life is. I am trying to save my marriage and just to have a fulfilling life.

Today has been tough. I've been really sick for the past week, though the last couple days have been the worst. I'm trying to keep up on my work hours, especially since money is pretty tight right now. My sister is struggling with an eating disorder and it's getting progressively worse. She doesn't live anywhere near any family. My husband and I are her biggest support. My dad was in the hospital the weekend before last. He owes us quite a bit of money but I'm afraid of pushing too hard because I don't want to stress him out to the point of having to go to the hospital again. My husband and I are fighting and I'm trying to overcome this depression as quickly as possible so my marriage won't end. I don't feel like I have any support. I only have a couple of good friends but I can only talk to them on the rarest of occasions because they live on the opposite coast. I haven't been able to make any real friends locally. I have people I talk to at work and one lady I try to meet with once a week, but it's just not the same. I feel so alone. I'm tired of being in this place in my life. I planned to be in a very different position by this age. I expected my marriage to be far better and to have at least one child by now. Instead my marriage is on the rocks and no kids (which based on the state of my marriage is a good thing at the moment). I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know how to reach out to my husband. I don't know how to fight this illness in a way that will actually be successful. I've tried so many things but am still in the same place.

I guess that's all for now. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

In search of Life

This blog is a series of my thoughts and emotions on any given day. It is a place for me to vent and to think in a way I am unable to do in my normal everyday life.

December 2014
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